You are always my cutest baby!

MY DARLING BABY MADE ME SOOOOO PROUD!!!!

Friend T texted me to say she saw Bb k in the papers and i was like huh? really? OMG i'm a celebrity mum!!! haha...needless to say, i was darn excited over k's first media appearance. It's really a blessing to be appreciated but then again, I think she deserved more than a consolation!! If you are interested at all, you may read more and see more cutie pies in the following:

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/singapores_cutest_babies_contest/1140176/here_are_the_winners_of_stomps_cutest_babies_contest_2012.html

 She loves putting her head in this manner. I wonder why? the world looks better this way?

My first mother's day

ok this is definitely a long overdue post. But since i'm in a marathon here, i might as well finish up what I started. 

Really a strange feeling that I'm a mummy now. Can't quite believe it but yeah I am. It's really heart warming that the hub bought lunch on behalf of bb k and we spent quality time together. We came a long way -- the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding battles, the blocked ducts and the post-natal depressions. wow wee! n then just as you thought things were in your grasp, she may throw these curve balls that stump us a little. But we manage. Or rather I manage. And I'd like to give myself a pat on the back for doing well thus far. Still breastfeeding exclusively and managing the pressures of work. Ok, sometimes i go insane and may lose control and take my anger on the hub but I think he has also evolved to be a better person because of k. It's not gona be easy down the road. Kids need full apprenticeship of years in order to achieve many things and there's also the constant battle to keep up with the Tans and the Lees, those are just the tip of the ice-berg, but i think, motherhood has transformed me and NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG A HIATUS!

You cannot imagine the shock plastered across my face when i saw that blogger had a new facelift! what's more, my last blog entry was in MARCH!! n it's now JUNE? HOLY COW!!! where has all the time gone? Am terribly guilty for not penning down lil k's milestones. So much so, i remember only bits and pieces of what happened when. You can't blame me! the mama has got too much on her puny brain! Bearing in mind, it's quite a journey on her own these two months with the hub's insanely intense travelling schedule. really wishes that he starts thinking of the family more. Not that he doesn't, but sigh, that's for another time.

Almost had an apocalyptic meltdown the last couple of weeks! the hub came back, the hub left. We made our maiden family trip to HK (m gonna do that on a separate post), came back, hub left within 2 days. Back for 1.5days and left again for close to 2 wks. I could possibly cave in and hire a helper to make life easier but the masochistic part of me wants to handle everything myself! So i have to simply find a way to soldier on and be a supermum! I did and guess what? I failed miserably last Wednesday. I caved in. For a long time, this had not happened. I was getting into the rhythm of things, deciphering the code to what the cry is all about and fighting all those night feeds alone. it has taken me a long time to be able to identify cues from my baby because i'd be fighting with my expectations, but yeah, reevaluation recalibrated me. Everything seems to be under control when Mastitis hit me!! It's been rough. I thought i could carry on working but I was wrong. Fever shot up to 39.8 degrees Celsius and i was this close to dying! migraine was back and i puked non stop. I had to force to recover within the day and by the power of God, i DID! fever subsided by midnight! THANK YOU LORD! i guess it's also due to sleep deprivation that this time things were this bad and it had been a rough couple of weeks without the hub. Not that with him around, things would make a 360 degree turn but at least, he helps with the diaper changing. I was whining the whole time, on FB, on watsapp and to the hub. I realise that he might be in the midst of training but i was truly feeling miserable and thought to myself how am i to take care of bb k that night? Then, the MIL sprung a surprise at my doorstep! Brought bb k back hm at 7pm. But she was only here to take the EBM in preparation for bb k to camp over at her place! I gave a puzzled look but later figured that the hub must have called her to say i'm ill n that k should b at her place. A first. n something which i will never allow. HALLO? does anyone respect me? ala mother of bb k? I know it's with all good intentions but the lil bub needs to latch in order to ease my blocked ducts! she's the most powerful pump! Yet, the educated hub doesn't realise that. MIL needless to say, does not know. I felt unacknowledged.

i snapped out of things almost instantly and explained the situation to the MIL who kindly offered to bring k back again on the next feed (which was supposedly 9pm). I may not have the bandwidth to stay calm but i had to. Particularly coz this person is my MIL and she had been a good help as compared to my own Empress Dowager. If i'm not calm or strong, this whole lack of support system, would definitely place me in the depression zone once again. 

So yeah, fast fwd, I'm very much better now albeit a stiff neck which wouldn't go away, a twisted wrist due to carrying the lil one and a nagging migraine. Sheez, think all these stem from having to juggle too many demands. Coping with the rigorous demands of motherhood isn't easy and living up to the supermom image is even a steeper ladder to climb!

To sum up, bb k is just 7 days shy from being 7 months!! Oh wow! my lil baby is all grown up! sigh. Milestone check:

• Can crawl backwards (think that happened when she was 5mths?) she can't crawl forward yet but has been desperately trying to lift her bum up and zip off, only to fall flat on her face! haha.hilarious at times when you witness, but it's frustration for the lil one.
• can sit steadily on her own. That prolly happened more than a mth ago?
• has her first two pearlies (on her lower jaw). Her teething pains starts and so does mine! She has been exceptionally clingy and needy at night and been drooling a little. Sticking her finger to bite constantly doesn't seem to help soothe things. Neither does the teething toy. Only thing -- the boobies!
• been mouthing mama constantly. started way long but these days, it's clearer and frequent. *lovez*
• Been blowing bubbles very often 
• Learnt to shake her head (but doesn't quite know that it could mean no. the MIL always says she's shaking her head each time milk is given -_-)
• started on solids. So far, has taken brown rice, carrots, sweet potato (she loves it when given by me) and avocado (from her expression, it tastes weird, but since it's something new, she takes it with a frown)

 Look what mummy made for lil bub! her new sensory toys!

On other news, I caught up with old pal F and am so happy to learn that he's getting married! hope this time it works out for him. Had dinner at Megumi and hmm i must say the food is not bad. service wise, they can't quite handle crowds coz they screwed up my rsvn. The day before, i caught up with childhood fren N who is also getting married! stress was written all over his face! haha a similarity between the two guys! what's up guys? Apparently N isn't quite ready for the new challenge but has been in the game for 8 years so yeah, it's kindof a natural progression. It's unbelievable that we've known each other since 7yrs old! GOSH! and what's more amazing is despite not keeping in touch somewhere in the middle of things, we still could remember intimate stuff like each other's birthdays! he further shocked me by remembering my wedding date and year! OMG LA! True pal! Dinner was at Pepperoni @ Frankel n i discovered that I could have a pizza with two flavours! how cool is that! Photo's in my phone and i'm just too tired to do a transfer. Speaking of which, I NEED A NEW PHONE! my iphone 3G is so laggy!

Back to pre-preg size

This is an overdue post: I"M BACK TO MY PRE PREG weight! the title was just to capture your attention coz size is a little out for some pieces where the hips are concerned!

I attribute this fast weight lost to breastfeeding! Totally rocks! No exercise was done on my part unless you consider carrying the Pump in style up, together with my immense amount of books and bag up and down the car each day a form of labour, then yes, i did exercise MAJORly! In all honestly, I did not gain much. probably just 13kg and shed almost 5-6kg after giving birth. Persistence in wearing the binder after the malay massage was one of the factors contributing to this weight lost. Getting the right binder thereafter is also a must. But I'm still 5kg away from my ideal which was the weight I held when I was married. That was my peak and really hope the fats will just melt away! Drinking heaps of water also helped. Particularly since I'm breastfeeding. Trust me, I still eat like a hippo and the occasional bouts of ice cream and cake temptations seem to be growing in frequency.

Getting back the hour glass figure (if i even had one in the first place) is quite impossible at this rate i'm going. Laziness is one obstacle, but more importantly, where in the world do I find the time? Some may say i should go jogging whilst pushing the pram with baby in tow. Not wise considering I'd have jelly legs thereafter and too soft to even keep the pram and carry the lil bub! But then again, just the other day, i had to carry the 6kg lil pumpkin up the MIL's place coz both lifts were faulty! n a day ago, up 5 flights of stairs coz some inconsiderate asshole smoked in the lift. Well, besides breastfeeding, wearing the binder religiously also helped to a large extent. I suppose stress from work and eating healthy (at least I try for lunch) contributed. Can't imagine when the time comes to stop breastfeeding. Now I'm totally indulging, not thinking about the consequences when gulping down that hot chocolate with whip cream or finishing the tub of Hagen Daz ice cream.

I guess for now, I shall indulge in my complacency afterall, i managed to fit into that tiny denim shorts which i could not squeeze my fat ass into pre-preg!! woohoo!

Eliminate and Concentrate

Sorry for the blog pause, that is if anyone out there is actually reading. It's been quite a whirlwind of activities ever since last November when the lil bub came into our world. I spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out her incessant wails and planning her next feed or my next pump. Now that work has started, every night when I'm back, it's a joy watching her finally succumbing to her fatigue. It's such a breather to be able to sit and followup on things thereafter, only to worry that the lil bub will decide to wake up at 2+am. My brain is certainly not designed to function at the wee hours of the day as the only acceptable thing to do is to snuggle up in bed. That said, in the past i used to do late nights. Coming home at 5am till dad had to lock me out was no surprise. N pre-pregnancy, staying up to chat with sis L till 4am is also a routine. But these days, I'm just hoping I've more time for sleep. I'd be thankful if lil bub allows me a full 4 hours stretch of undisturbed sleep. It's certainly vital that her neural tube develops properly and one way is to SLEEP!

It's a daunting challenge albeit a very rewarding one to be placed in this situation. Love involves sacrifices and I astound myself with my productivity at times. Ok, i can certainly do better but seems like there's always an endless amount of things to follow up. Bad thing about me is I like to tackle the easy stuff first before working up the guts to do something more intense. By then, the pile of stuff would sit there and mock me. Sometimes, I accumulate so many things to do that it starts to look impossible. To be fair, I haven't exactly been very organised in more ways than others. Perhaps coz endless amount of things seem to be coming in ie. enquiries for Jumpstart (which is a good thing); research on lil bub's kindy matters (that will come in a separate post some time lter i hope) and not to mention, with the exams round the corner, a crazy amount of homework to followup. In fact, was just telling the hub that i haven't been able to concentrate and focus even when driving. His reply -- Lack of sleep. I know how u feel. You do? seriously? The hub is always in bed by the time lil bub goes to bed which is approximately midnight. I can't imagine how it'd be when he travels again. With him around, at least lil bub gets to be home early..else she'd have to wait till 10+pm before mommy picks her. By then, fatigue has overwhelmed her and she'd be all cranky. Not a very welcoming gesture after a long day. As if that's not challenging enough, her fussing moments before sleep can take one anywhere from half an hour to an hour or so! In all fairness however, he tries to alleviate my agony. I'm not complaining about this new role, just wonder when I can slow down a bit and concentrate on the lil bub and myself. The hub suggested going for a trip...just the both of us, but easier said than done! He's pressing me for a date to go on the trip and I insisted on bringing lil bub so it won't be that taxing on the MIL. Baby needs mommy! no seriously, u should see her at night prior to her bed time. In anycase, I don't want to be lugging my pump n have to dump whatever I've express. Heart pain! But there's a lot of matters to worry about should we bring baby along eg hv we brought enough diapers? would she feel awful at take off and landing? Will she change her routine n mess things up? Would the ppl there be open to nursing in public? My goodness, the list seems endless, but to the hub, he just wants a "break" from sunny Singapore. We'll see.

I think i seriously need to re-assess my routine. Need to eliminate all the fuzz and concentrate! To begin, maybe I should acknowledge what's mounting on my to-do list and grasp those issues by the horns instead of procrastinating. Need to try harder at spending more time with the lil bub. Guilt is eating me up when I see how she's struggling to keep awake just to see her mama at night! In all honesty, I think i haven't been all that industrious compared to a few months back. It's a stark contrast eg I'd be waking up at 5am to pump but now, i'd rather sleep n pray that lil bub will wake up only at 7am. It's increasingly difficult to be motivated with all this sleep deprivation going on. With that said, i should perhaps stop typing and start doing something more substantial!! haha

Single Parent

Blogging used to be an avenue to destress. It still is, unfortunately, there's simply not enough time these days. Wish someone would come up with a system which verbalises my thoughts as a blog. That would certainly save time!

The last week of February was all joy and sweat. The hub was not in Singapore for a week and it was the first time ever he missed my birthday. By missing, i don't mean not being able to celebrate physically with me, but emotionally and more importantly, THERE"S NO PRESENT!! To be fair, he did get me a bottle of Dior on his previous business trip but he purchased the wrong one! I was whining for Jadore eons ago and have since gotten it for myself. The finger was pointed at me coz I was not appreciative. Sigh....this is the second time he got me a duplicate..clearly the fault doesn't only lie in me? In anycase, we did discuss what my present should be. I reckon, Men are generally dense, thus I might as well make it clear. The discussion was a lively one and it ended off with him saying that he'll get a discount from a certain someone. Surely all this talk has been imprinted in his mind? Think again. When the discussion surfaced for the second time (after my birthday), the finger was once again pointed at me as I did not remind him. Sigh.





Thankfully, i've got great bffs who won't ditch me on this special day! Went out with the gals at the new Katong i12. TGIF is there and I'm gaga over Max brenner..The molten lava cake is to die for! a little pricey though.

Two other people who won't ditch me and would do everything in the world for me -- My parents. SOmehow, with the introduction of their grand-daughter, they seem more patient. They were even willing to queue up from 630pm till 8pm for a seat and till 9+pm for my long awaited dish -- CRAB! thereafter, empress dowager helped to bottle feed Baby K. Amazingly she did it in 20mins flat! So unlike the MIL who needs an hour. Strange. Half the time, mom was talking and carrying Baby K and my dear Billy (aka dad) just sat there and gave me 75% of the crabs! I ate till my arms ached! BUT BOY WERE THEY GOOD!!! I waited for 13months before eating!! blame it on the C-sec! Had to wait an additional 100 days *groan*

A happy meal for a happy me! Cooked noodles w heaps of ingredients and most importantly -- 2 eggs! Noodles symbolises longevity and eggs...errrr....Go google!

The shoulders groaned under the weight of immense responsibility with me getting up in the morning, interacting with Baby K, bathing her, cooking my own lunch (the only proper and most nutritious meal of the day) and thereafter, send her over to the MIL's before carrying the pump, the books and the bag down to the car for work. The day end typically at 9+/ 10pm and by the time I'm back to pick the lil one, her eyelids were as heavy as lead, struggling to see her mommy before she sleeps and demanding for her last feed. It's not until past midnight that I'm able to truly sit down and have a snack/ drink/ bath or even pee! With the hub away so frequently (he doesn't feel so though), lil bub is beginning to wonder who this man is and I am made to feel like a single parent. Often, I marvel at this resilience I have and the ability to take care of the 101 niggly things. It's a real hustle and bustle and these days, I yearn for a day when I can just zone out, chill over a good cup of tea + cakes and not work.

I'm not lamenting that I don't enjoy this working mommy gig, but just wish I can sit back and breathe for a bit before the new day ambushes me. Sometimes, my mind is so bogged with stuff that I can forget to bring back bb's milk that's left in someone's house! Or better yet, i may wake up early to prep lunch to bring along, only to forget to pack it into my bag! All the responsibilities are clamoring for my attention. It doesn't help too that MIL thinks that my job is real flexible and I'll have less work during the hols thus she can tell the son that she's going off for a hol. Going off for a hol isn't the problem. In fact, everyone needs their respite. BUT, can people keep the MOTHER in the loop? When the spare milk runs out, the son gets to know. When there's logistic changes, the son gets to know. But it's the mommy aka ME who is running the show and no one bothers to update me. Often, I'm caught off guard.

I strive to live in harmony rather than becoming overwhelmed and letting chaos reign but the cumulative effect is killing me softly. However, when I see the below face, all fatigue gets erased (momentarily at least):

Who can resist this sweetie pie?
Bad habit! but self-soothing.
happily doing the twist. She has learnt to turn but not quite stable in doing the flip. At times when she can't flip back, she'll get all irritated and whine. haha...Adorable much?

Mummy sayang

Have been back at work for a week and though i took it slow, it has been agonising to leave lil bub behind. I believe lil pumpkin will be left in good hands whilst i'm at work, but guilt and separation anxiety pangs are hitting in fast and furious.

Many a times, people see that i'm in an enviable position of being to work at my own pace but i still put in full-time hours (if not more) with a little flexibility thrown in. Am in the midst of setting my schedule straight but "clients" are always demanding and it's always about they, themselves and them. It's a losing battle when it comes to creating the perfect schedule. In fact, despite letting go of 4 assignments, I'm still stuck with a monday-saturday work week with each day ending at an average of 930pm. Hopefully i can be home on time for lil pumpkin's last feed and pat her to sleep. That is if she keeps up with the current routine.

Things are indeed getting easier. My baby, who looked like an angel, was a monster when it came to the breast. As a nursing newbie in the early days of first-time motherhood, I was constantly stressed, worried, and in pain. Pain was something I experienced a couple of days back when lil pumpkin's latch was bad. I developed blister on the right nipple. The scientific name for it is apparently bleb. Not entirely her fault as she needed more comforting than usual due to a fever. She had her first dose of 5-in-1 and pneumococcal jab on the day she turned 3 months. What a way to celebrate! Brought her to the MIL's as usual and pre-empted her abt the jabs and their side effects. All was good, or so I thought, and the hub and I decided to sneak out for a little pre-Valentine's Day dinner celebration. However, once home, I discovered that lil pumpkin was a tad warm. My fears were confirmed when the thermometer registered 37.5!!

The hub and I panicked and instantly syringed her with paracetamol. She put up a feisty struggle and was clearly uncomfortable and confused. I mean who wouldn't? First it was the nipples then the bottle and now comes the syringe! She must be thinking "WHADDAT?" The night was extremely long as we monitored her temperature every half an hour. It went up to 37.8 and we started to sponge her. Things got a little better but like i said she needed loads of comfort and fell asleep on the breast and screamed when I tried to get her off so that I could empty my aching bladder.

I was really reluctant to head off to work the next day, however, the hub assured me that he'd tk good care of the lil pumpkin. His hourly updates allayed my worries and I survived the day and zoomed back by 4pm. Sux but I don't have a choice. But I must say, the hub was really good. not only did he managed to bottle feed lil baby K (trust me, that's a mean feat!), he also managed to wash her laundry, mop the floor and bring baby k down for lunch!

On the same note, I wasn't having it easy either. The day started with a 5am feed. Thereafter, lil pumpkin refused to sleep and I had to coax her till 6am before pumping the boobies That took me 45mins together with all the sterilising and cleaning up. Seriously hate using the machine! Thereafter, got ready and at 830 i was at work. Constantly whatsapped the hub for updates and I survived till 1230. Found a multi storey carpark and starting milking in the car. Yup. bought a car adapter specially for it and it's insane seriously to be carrying my Medela Pump In Style up and down every day, together with my other barangs! Felt extremely conscious when pumping as there were people walking up and down. Though I was well covered, plus it was dark, I still felt uneasy. Dark- another challenge. I couldn't tell if i had emptied those breasts thus could only use the clock as my guide. after pumping for 20mins, I scooted off to my next venue. Once work was done, I zoomed to my mom's place to collect the groceries for the week. Being a nursing mother, taking care of oneself is of utmost impotence and plus I do not have the luxury of having homecooked food all the time, thus I had to go the extra mile to cook my own lunch whenever possible. By 4pm I was home and it was then that the hub decided that it's easier if we cooked instead of dining out. I agreed and after a good pump and shower, i started preparing whilst the hub and baby took a nap. BOY WAS I TIRED! That's seriously an understatement! I amaze myself at times and wonder where I got all that energy. However, the energy bubble burst that night. My feet were aching and I was feeling grouchy when lil pumpkin didn't want to sleep. It didn't help that halfway through the ordeal, the hub decided to head off to T's place to view a soccer match! But i guess it's all in a day's work and what makes me go on is the smile I receive everyday from the lil one.

Lil pumpkin was all cheer when I hugged and kissed her, though for a moment I felt that she wasn't interested in me. The daddy must have played too much with her! Thankfully, she's still interested in the breasts! haha

Milestones in the making :)