It's 2015 already?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Hi 2015!

Yup ok, I'm late. It's mid Jan and I'm finally sitting down penning things down before my post natal brain starts acting up on me again. To be fair, I've been typing stuff here and there. Drafts galore, just never quite complete. This eats me up coz it kindof reflects how i treat the projects in life too, except for being pregnant and giving birth! Anyhows, for ritual sake, I have to do this post. it's afterall a new year. #nowthenpostnextyearalready.

Most of us love holing up at home. It renews tired souls and is a sanctuary got all our favorite this. It's a place where we can truly be ourselves and express all our true colour. Having said that, home is a reflection of you. Indeed, if you were to swing by my place, you'll see the mess it is in. Somewhat like my life eh? It's depressing sometimes. Everything's so random these days. I'll just decide on what to cook the very day, or the activity to do with Big K that very minute. No wonder tempers were flaring over the last two weeks. You see, we didn't want to be holed up since New Year's eve, but Big K was hit by a nasty bug and developed a fever at the stroke of midnight. Prior to that, we were at a friend's party, hoping to usher in the new year with her little friends. But alas, we had to cut short and head home and be sponging the little one at midnight and beyond. Definitely not my idea of a celebration. The days which followed were tough. In fact, tempers flared during this season as Big K decided that whining was her forte. She'd whine at the slightest thing. If she couldn't get a toy to work, she'd whine. If she dropped her pencil, she'd whine. As if that wasn't enough, she'll create a scene by rolling non stop on the floor and screaming at her soprano voice. It was really challenging to keep my tempers down. Fortunately i had heaps of training from work. And, to address this issue, i choose to walk away, leaving her to wail incessantly. There was really no point talking sense to a 3year old when she is consumed with angst. I didn't know a small human being could be so explosive. It drove me bananas and caused the hubs to snap. The usually calm and collected (read: bo chup) husband was the one who lost it this time round. He had been lashing out threats and executing punishments like locking her up in the toilet. In the middle of the night mind you. An action i strongly disagree on. Extremity was taken to a new high one evening when Big K broke out into her usual scream halfway through her sleep. After a mere 5mins, i heard him yelling at Big K. I was nursing Small K then but I ran to her rescue and saw him yelling into her ear! Literally an inch away! I was dead mad and pulled him back but he was a strong man and i had to use force. It was disheartening to see such a scene and heartwrenching to see Big K sob her eyeballs out! Who was this monster? He's usually not like that. Anger and mobile gaming can do so much to a person! No matter what we did: the fast food method from the Happiest Toddler on the Block, or telling her she has to find her happy heart before talking to us, or banishing her to the naughty corner, to bribing her with her favourite activity (that probably works for only 5mins), they all failed miserably. I don't understand why she has to scream and wail at a thing like not wanting to go to the toilet despite having a tummyache. Just go la! why do you need to scream and wail? Seriously! I am suppose to be the patient one in this household, and that night I simply had to pull the hubs away and took over everything as if he was not around. Yup, I mambo-ed with both Big and Small K. Small K was constantly aroused by Big K's screams in the middle of the night. The screams were so constant it completely drained me mentally and physically. I could be nursing Small K at 2am and somehow, Big K could sense that i left the room (we co-sleep) and wail endlessly even though the daddy was right next to her. Next, she'll totter into didi's room and drive me up the wall. I really wanted (still do) to bury my head and cry. Our last resort, to send her to my in-laws for the night. She spent two nights there. Our excuse - we needed her to recuperate and not spread the germs to didi. For those two nights, the hubs and I were couch potatoes and very happy parents! Falling sick was actually a blessing in disguise as we were forced to rest at home for a whole week and bond as a family.

Fast forward, we are still battling with Big K's tantrums and both Big and Small K are still sick. Fortunately the hubs is in town to deal with it together. I suspect she is seeking a lot of attention from us because Small K has started to become more mobile. He has been crawling, standing and cruising quite a bit. In the past, he was just a lump, waiting to be carried. No threat. These days, he has shown preference too and the moment he is put down in the playpen, he'll wail. Or if i turn my back to head to the toilet, i'll have to endure pitiful cries. By the way, he'd cry and mouth "mama" in between. Cute much? So yeah, I can only pray that I'm patient enough to face each day as it comes. Also, in my short (and probably unrealistic) list of resolutions, I hope I can be on the ball with entertaining Big K over at Mama's School. This helps in containing her anger and making her a happy toddler. Been very lax in that area which adds to her tantrums. I used to be doing stuff with her every few minutes and that, she loves. Now, I always find myself asking her to self entertain while i bathe or feed Small K. Pretty unfair to her i guess. Also, seeing several mommies posting on social media how their kid is able to write their 1,2 3s and ABCs or hot housing them by enrolling the child in Chinese classes or keyboard classes etc stresses me out. I think I'll fail terribly if my resolution were to be a Tiger mama. So yeah, back to resolution number 16547, Prioritize! That explains a whole lot why my blog has been radio quiet for a bit. I had to concentrate on nursing the both to health before everything else.

Recap of 2014
2014 was a really big year in every sense of the word. I gave birth to Small K didn't I?

Phew! thankfully for that else the year would have been wasted big time!

I also gave birth to another baby of mine: Rhapnroll -- a place where I translate my creativity to gifts of joy for newborns and beyond. To summarize, I sell diapercakes.

A bit of shameless advertising here but do drop by my site if you are in the market for a gift for a newborn or even a toddler. 

Despite having such achievements, I find that I haven't quite accomplish much. Ironic huh? I have been pretty lazy on many other fronts but i guess sometimes you have to slow down or you risk burning out.

I don't usually pen down my wishes for the year, but let's just do it for the heck of it:

Do less but more
Ironic. I confuse myself sometimes too. Really hope that in this new year, I can spend time to better myself, whether to perform at work or to enrich myself as a parent. But yet again, i hope that everything and every project I do, is gonna contribute to my life in a big way. you see, I'm often a person who wants it all. I want to be part of this and that. Hence at the end of the day, I end up with nothing. So, in 2015, I'll strive to do a bit less in order to get more out of life.

To be more patient
With Big K turning three 2 months ago, the terrible threes syndrome has just started. I shall not deceive myself with the mantra which many mothers always tell me -- "it gets better". Come on la! who are you kidding? So to tackle the problem, I hope that I can be a more patient person, be it towards the children or the hubs (he has been infuriating me with his obsession with his stupid mobile games but that's another story for another time).

Be more organised
this is gonna be a tough one but I'll try hard nonetheless.

To spend time more productively with the kids
Really hope not to always be nagging them to go to bed or to pack their toys. Life is such a rush that every morning I've to hurry Big K in doing her routine stuff instead of stopping to smell the roses or hit the playground for half an hour of fun. The evenings are no better. With my crazy schedule, by the time I'm home, I've to get them to sleep almost at once. Winding down routine? What's that?

Be less of a hoarder! Throw throw throw!
I've been working on this lately with the impending Chinese New Year. However, I think I haven't been ruthless enough. I've been throwing a bit of stuff every single day and at my peak (when Big K was spending the night at my in-law's), I managed to throw out 3 boxes of stuff and pack three big bags and a big carton for giveaways! Woohoo! But I'm still seeing clothings which I have kept since 1999! Am in denial that I'll fit into my prenatal clothings. And by prenatal, I mean pre-Big K. Sigh...who am I kidding? Shall find a new home for them and revamp my wardrobe! haha! Excuses excuses.. but yes, I think I should be more selective with my buys from hereon.

Put in more effort in my beauty regime
A few days back, a Primary 1 girl commented at how much older I look compared to her mom (who is, by the way, of the same age as I am!) and that I've a whole lot of wrinkles which I tried to cover up by telling her it's because I smile and laugh too much. That, however didn't quite work as she questioned me by saying "isn't smiling and laughing a good thing? So does that make wrinkles a good thing?". With that, I'm DETERMINED to put in more effort in salvaging those crows feet and lackluster skin. Considering the late nights that I do, THIS, is going to be tough! If there are any miracle water which you swear by, PLEASE hit me with it!

Be more focus, efficient and positive
This is gonna be tough to given my very random nature. Hard to tell yeah judging by the many things I've been doing? But i'm not gonna beat myself up even if I can't achieve this goal. Gotto learn to be more chillax too. Even if the kids are ill, and their sleep patterns are like SH**, I'll try to look at things from a different perspective -- immunity is getting stronger.

I failed miserably with my grand plan to save in 2014. Am very determined to succeed at the 52 weeks money challenge this time round! Am erm, however, behind by 2 weeks! haha

In essence, all the above resolutions can be summaried in one word: DISCIPLINE
Wish me luck!

The start of the year is always full of hope and symbolises fresh beginnings. So here's to a great start! Bring it on, 2015!