Mummy sayang

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Have been back at work for a week and though i took it slow, it has been agonising to leave lil bub behind. I believe lil pumpkin will be left in good hands whilst i'm at work, but guilt and separation anxiety pangs are hitting in fast and furious.

Many a times, people see that i'm in an enviable position of being to work at my own pace but i still put in full-time hours (if not more) with a little flexibility thrown in. Am in the midst of setting my schedule straight but "clients" are always demanding and it's always about they, themselves and them. It's a losing battle when it comes to creating the perfect schedule. In fact, despite letting go of 4 assignments, I'm still stuck with a monday-saturday work week with each day ending at an average of 930pm. Hopefully i can be home on time for lil pumpkin's last feed and pat her to sleep. That is if she keeps up with the current routine.

Things are indeed getting easier. My baby, who looked like an angel, was a monster when it came to the breast. As a nursing newbie in the early days of first-time motherhood, I was constantly stressed, worried, and in pain. Pain was something I experienced a couple of days back when lil pumpkin's latch was bad. I developed blister on the right nipple. The scientific name for it is apparently bleb. Not entirely her fault as she needed more comforting than usual due to a fever. She had her first dose of 5-in-1 and pneumococcal jab on the day she turned 3 months. What a way to celebrate! Brought her to the MIL's as usual and pre-empted her abt the jabs and their side effects. All was good, or so I thought, and the hub and I decided to sneak out for a little pre-Valentine's Day dinner celebration. However, once home, I discovered that lil pumpkin was a tad warm. My fears were confirmed when the thermometer registered 37.5!!

The hub and I panicked and instantly syringed her with paracetamol. She put up a feisty struggle and was clearly uncomfortable and confused. I mean who wouldn't? First it was the nipples then the bottle and now comes the syringe! She must be thinking "WHADDAT?" The night was extremely long as we monitored her temperature every half an hour. It went up to 37.8 and we started to sponge her. Things got a little better but like i said she needed loads of comfort and fell asleep on the breast and screamed when I tried to get her off so that I could empty my aching bladder.

I was really reluctant to head off to work the next day, however, the hub assured me that he'd tk good care of the lil pumpkin. His hourly updates allayed my worries and I survived the day and zoomed back by 4pm. Sux but I don't have a choice. But I must say, the hub was really good. not only did he managed to bottle feed lil baby K (trust me, that's a mean feat!), he also managed to wash her laundry, mop the floor and bring baby k down for lunch!

On the same note, I wasn't having it easy either. The day started with a 5am feed. Thereafter, lil pumpkin refused to sleep and I had to coax her till 6am before pumping the boobies That took me 45mins together with all the sterilising and cleaning up. Seriously hate using the machine! Thereafter, got ready and at 830 i was at work. Constantly whatsapped the hub for updates and I survived till 1230. Found a multi storey carpark and starting milking in the car. Yup. bought a car adapter specially for it and it's insane seriously to be carrying my Medela Pump In Style up and down every day, together with my other barangs! Felt extremely conscious when pumping as there were people walking up and down. Though I was well covered, plus it was dark, I still felt uneasy. Dark- another challenge. I couldn't tell if i had emptied those breasts thus could only use the clock as my guide. after pumping for 20mins, I scooted off to my next venue. Once work was done, I zoomed to my mom's place to collect the groceries for the week. Being a nursing mother, taking care of oneself is of utmost impotence and plus I do not have the luxury of having homecooked food all the time, thus I had to go the extra mile to cook my own lunch whenever possible. By 4pm I was home and it was then that the hub decided that it's easier if we cooked instead of dining out. I agreed and after a good pump and shower, i started preparing whilst the hub and baby took a nap. BOY WAS I TIRED! That's seriously an understatement! I amaze myself at times and wonder where I got all that energy. However, the energy bubble burst that night. My feet were aching and I was feeling grouchy when lil pumpkin didn't want to sleep. It didn't help that halfway through the ordeal, the hub decided to head off to T's place to view a soccer match! But i guess it's all in a day's work and what makes me go on is the smile I receive everyday from the lil one.

Lil pumpkin was all cheer when I hugged and kissed her, though for a moment I felt that she wasn't interested in me. The daddy must have played too much with her! Thankfully, she's still interested in the breasts! haha

Milestones in the making :)

Bad start

Monday, February 6, 2012

Today marks the first day I'm back to work n it's not as easy as I hoped it to b. a week prior to my return, we've been sending baby over to the mil to get her accustomed though we go over every evening. However on the last few attempts, as if on 6th sense, lil pumpkin threw a tantrum when bathing and feeding at the in-laws. To me, babies r very adaptable and should they b that hungry, they'll drink from the bottle. The adults would just hv to deal with the wails and reluctancy. Instead, I'm constantly being told my the mil that baby is very naughty and dropped subtle hints that it's my fault for latching all this while. Trust me, I had a plan for the daddy to bottle feed the lil one when he returns home but for the entire wk he's either changing switches(yes that's his new toy and apparently more important thAn training the lil one) or he's been engross in his DVD. Even asking him to mop the floor was do difficult. So you can guess as much as to how lil pumpkin takes to the bottle. Then I suggested changing the teats but as usuAl my suggestion was refuted by the mil. I'm not doubting her ability to raise three kids but perhaps I know just a tad more about the baby? And again the hub was not on my side till one day he himself changed the teats and was more successful in feeding.

The above was not the only manifestation of how much my opinion is being treasured. Tdy marks the last day of Chinese new year n the first day bk at work. I purposely came Hm early to hv dinner w his extended family but only to b greeted with a quarrel. The moment I entered our Hm, the hub said that fren P said its really bad to put ebm in freezer, kills antibodies.that was the exact reason why I had insisted on latching initially when both mothers weren't too supportive. Anyways, fren P says best to express n Plc in fridge for 8hrs n should the baby not drink it then Plc in freezer. Given my schedule n the fact that bb won't b with me when I pump (probably get to see her only 8hrs later) the mtd obviously doesn't mk much sense. I tried to voice out but was deemed as interrupting. Then I figured he is constantly listening to fren P blindly. As much as I treasure others opinion, we sometimes must see if it fits the circumstance. So things got heated and he stomped off with me in the background saying I won't go over to granny's. Not only did he not show concern that I didn't hv dinner, he probably cooked up some story for my absence as the mil was shocked to learn that I was Hm. Hm alone on yuan Xiao without my bb n family isn't exactly the best thing.

Long story short, this time, i didn't say or defended my stand like he said, coz would I get my pt across? I felt really guilty coz tonight he insisted on me expressing n him feeding the freshly squeezed milk. Don't ask me what's thd logic but I'm guilty coz I promised the lil one that I'll be the inf feeding her esp her last feed n when she wakes up she'll c me. Before sleeping I'll also b the one carrying her. Day one n I broke my promise coz of him. I left thd house wanting so badly to seek refuge at my mum's but didn't want them to worry n didn't know how to explain coz to them I'm living in bliss n I don't want them to b worrying for their only daughter.

I came Hm after wandering ard thd estate on an empty tummy(stupid me forgot to tk my wallet w me) n cm Hm to c my lil one wailing. I cradled her tightly and latched n she slept. I'm sorry baby to let u wait. Mummy didn't mean to break her promise but things r really intense ESP if the support is weak. I'm so sorry baby, I didn't mean to abandon u. I'm really stressed by lots but thankfully I have u. Mummy loves u darling. U must always remember that.