Back to pre-preg size

Thursday, March 22, 2012

This is an overdue post: I"M BACK TO MY PRE PREG weight! the title was just to capture your attention coz size is a little out for some pieces where the hips are concerned!

I attribute this fast weight lost to breastfeeding! Totally rocks! No exercise was done on my part unless you consider carrying the Pump in style up, together with my immense amount of books and bag up and down the car each day a form of labour, then yes, i did exercise MAJORly! In all honestly, I did not gain much. probably just 13kg and shed almost 5-6kg after giving birth. Persistence in wearing the binder after the malay massage was one of the factors contributing to this weight lost. Getting the right binder thereafter is also a must. But I'm still 5kg away from my ideal which was the weight I held when I was married. That was my peak and really hope the fats will just melt away! Drinking heaps of water also helped. Particularly since I'm breastfeeding. Trust me, I still eat like a hippo and the occasional bouts of ice cream and cake temptations seem to be growing in frequency.

Getting back the hour glass figure (if i even had one in the first place) is quite impossible at this rate i'm going. Laziness is one obstacle, but more importantly, where in the world do I find the time? Some may say i should go jogging whilst pushing the pram with baby in tow. Not wise considering I'd have jelly legs thereafter and too soft to even keep the pram and carry the lil bub! But then again, just the other day, i had to carry the 6kg lil pumpkin up the MIL's place coz both lifts were faulty! n a day ago, up 5 flights of stairs coz some inconsiderate asshole smoked in the lift. Well, besides breastfeeding, wearing the binder religiously also helped to a large extent. I suppose stress from work and eating healthy (at least I try for lunch) contributed. Can't imagine when the time comes to stop breastfeeding. Now I'm totally indulging, not thinking about the consequences when gulping down that hot chocolate with whip cream or finishing the tub of Hagen Daz ice cream.

I guess for now, I shall indulge in my complacency afterall, i managed to fit into that tiny denim shorts which i could not squeeze my fat ass into pre-preg!! woohoo!

Eliminate and Concentrate

Sorry for the blog pause, that is if anyone out there is actually reading. It's been quite a whirlwind of activities ever since last November when the lil bub came into our world. I spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out her incessant wails and planning her next feed or my next pump. Now that work has started, every night when I'm back, it's a joy watching her finally succumbing to her fatigue. It's such a breather to be able to sit and followup on things thereafter, only to worry that the lil bub will decide to wake up at 2+am. My brain is certainly not designed to function at the wee hours of the day as the only acceptable thing to do is to snuggle up in bed. That said, in the past i used to do late nights. Coming home at 5am till dad had to lock me out was no surprise. N pre-pregnancy, staying up to chat with sis L till 4am is also a routine. But these days, I'm just hoping I've more time for sleep. I'd be thankful if lil bub allows me a full 4 hours stretch of undisturbed sleep. It's certainly vital that her neural tube develops properly and one way is to SLEEP!

It's a daunting challenge albeit a very rewarding one to be placed in this situation. Love involves sacrifices and I astound myself with my productivity at times. Ok, i can certainly do better but seems like there's always an endless amount of things to follow up. Bad thing about me is I like to tackle the easy stuff first before working up the guts to do something more intense. By then, the pile of stuff would sit there and mock me. Sometimes, I accumulate so many things to do that it starts to look impossible. To be fair, I haven't exactly been very organised in more ways than others. Perhaps coz endless amount of things seem to be coming in ie. enquiries for Jumpstart (which is a good thing); research on lil bub's kindy matters (that will come in a separate post some time lter i hope) and not to mention, with the exams round the corner, a crazy amount of homework to followup. In fact, was just telling the hub that i haven't been able to concentrate and focus even when driving. His reply -- Lack of sleep. I know how u feel. You do? seriously? The hub is always in bed by the time lil bub goes to bed which is approximately midnight. I can't imagine how it'd be when he travels again. With him around, at least lil bub gets to be home early..else she'd have to wait till 10+pm before mommy picks her. By then, fatigue has overwhelmed her and she'd be all cranky. Not a very welcoming gesture after a long day. As if that's not challenging enough, her fussing moments before sleep can take one anywhere from half an hour to an hour or so! In all fairness however, he tries to alleviate my agony. I'm not complaining about this new role, just wonder when I can slow down a bit and concentrate on the lil bub and myself. The hub suggested going for a trip...just the both of us, but easier said than done! He's pressing me for a date to go on the trip and I insisted on bringing lil bub so it won't be that taxing on the MIL. Baby needs mommy! no seriously, u should see her at night prior to her bed time. In anycase, I don't want to be lugging my pump n have to dump whatever I've express. Heart pain! But there's a lot of matters to worry about should we bring baby along eg hv we brought enough diapers? would she feel awful at take off and landing? Will she change her routine n mess things up? Would the ppl there be open to nursing in public? My goodness, the list seems endless, but to the hub, he just wants a "break" from sunny Singapore. We'll see.

I think i seriously need to re-assess my routine. Need to eliminate all the fuzz and concentrate! To begin, maybe I should acknowledge what's mounting on my to-do list and grasp those issues by the horns instead of procrastinating. Need to try harder at spending more time with the lil bub. Guilt is eating me up when I see how she's struggling to keep awake just to see her mama at night! In all honesty, I think i haven't been all that industrious compared to a few months back. It's a stark contrast eg I'd be waking up at 5am to pump but now, i'd rather sleep n pray that lil bub will wake up only at 7am. It's increasingly difficult to be motivated with all this sleep deprivation going on. With that said, i should perhaps stop typing and start doing something more substantial!! haha

Single Parent

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Blogging used to be an avenue to destress. It still is, unfortunately, there's simply not enough time these days. Wish someone would come up with a system which verbalises my thoughts as a blog. That would certainly save time!

The last week of February was all joy and sweat. The hub was not in Singapore for a week and it was the first time ever he missed my birthday. By missing, i don't mean not being able to celebrate physically with me, but emotionally and more importantly, THERE"S NO PRESENT!! To be fair, he did get me a bottle of Dior on his previous business trip but he purchased the wrong one! I was whining for Jadore eons ago and have since gotten it for myself. The finger was pointed at me coz I was not appreciative. Sigh....this is the second time he got me a duplicate..clearly the fault doesn't only lie in me? In anycase, we did discuss what my present should be. I reckon, Men are generally dense, thus I might as well make it clear. The discussion was a lively one and it ended off with him saying that he'll get a discount from a certain someone. Surely all this talk has been imprinted in his mind? Think again. When the discussion surfaced for the second time (after my birthday), the finger was once again pointed at me as I did not remind him. Sigh.

Thankfully, i've got great bffs who won't ditch me on this special day! Went out with the gals at the new Katong i12. TGIF is there and I'm gaga over Max brenner..The molten lava cake is to die for! a little pricey though.

Two other people who won't ditch me and would do everything in the world for me -- My parents. SOmehow, with the introduction of their grand-daughter, they seem more patient. They were even willing to queue up from 630pm till 8pm for a seat and till 9+pm for my long awaited dish -- CRAB! thereafter, empress dowager helped to bottle feed Baby K. Amazingly she did it in 20mins flat! So unlike the MIL who needs an hour. Strange. Half the time, mom was talking and carrying Baby K and my dear Billy (aka dad) just sat there and gave me 75% of the crabs! I ate till my arms ached! BUT BOY WERE THEY GOOD!!! I waited for 13months before eating!! blame it on the C-sec! Had to wait an additional 100 days *groan*

A happy meal for a happy me! Cooked noodles w heaps of ingredients and most importantly -- 2 eggs! Noodles symbolises longevity and eggs...errrr....Go google!

The shoulders groaned under the weight of immense responsibility with me getting up in the morning, interacting with Baby K, bathing her, cooking my own lunch (the only proper and most nutritious meal of the day) and thereafter, send her over to the MIL's before carrying the pump, the books and the bag down to the car for work. The day end typically at 9+/ 10pm and by the time I'm back to pick the lil one, her eyelids were as heavy as lead, struggling to see her mommy before she sleeps and demanding for her last feed. It's not until past midnight that I'm able to truly sit down and have a snack/ drink/ bath or even pee! With the hub away so frequently (he doesn't feel so though), lil bub is beginning to wonder who this man is and I am made to feel like a single parent. Often, I marvel at this resilience I have and the ability to take care of the 101 niggly things. It's a real hustle and bustle and these days, I yearn for a day when I can just zone out, chill over a good cup of tea + cakes and not work.

I'm not lamenting that I don't enjoy this working mommy gig, but just wish I can sit back and breathe for a bit before the new day ambushes me. Sometimes, my mind is so bogged with stuff that I can forget to bring back bb's milk that's left in someone's house! Or better yet, i may wake up early to prep lunch to bring along, only to forget to pack it into my bag! All the responsibilities are clamoring for my attention. It doesn't help too that MIL thinks that my job is real flexible and I'll have less work during the hols thus she can tell the son that she's going off for a hol. Going off for a hol isn't the problem. In fact, everyone needs their respite. BUT, can people keep the MOTHER in the loop? When the spare milk runs out, the son gets to know. When there's logistic changes, the son gets to know. But it's the mommy aka ME who is running the show and no one bothers to update me. Often, I'm caught off guard.

I strive to live in harmony rather than becoming overwhelmed and letting chaos reign but the cumulative effect is killing me softly. However, when I see the below face, all fatigue gets erased (momentarily at least):

Who can resist this sweetie pie?
Bad habit! but self-soothing.
happily doing the twist. She has learnt to turn but not quite stable in doing the flip. At times when she can't flip back, she'll get all irritated and whine. haha...Adorable much?