The bomb

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I promised myself to update this space, but kept procrastinating as the past few days had been an emotional battle. All these while, I thought I'm a blessed person and bad things won't happen to me or people around me. Well, I'm wrong. Fate is making a mark in my life. First Dad, now sweetie. 2 yrs ago, Daddy was retrenched. It's a terrible period given that I'm the only child. It also doesn't help that Mom is quite a tyrant, always demanding for money for her health supplements and rendezvous with the tai tais. It also doesn't help that the economy is such and the nation discriminates against old but experienced people. It took dad a while before he found a job. Pains me to see him turn so weather-beaten and having to work on a Saturday. So much so, he doesn't even have time to have dinner with me. :-( With my hectic schedule, it's hard to complement our times. Fortunately, Dad's an understanding person who doesn't need me to be there physically. He is often living in solace, totally oblivious to his surroundings, just wanting to be in a state of inertia.

A day after sweetie's bday, the bomb exploded once more. I was dumbfounded and speechless. I let out my sorrow and cried in his embrace. I was hopelessly inarticulate. These days, there's no such thing as insecurity. True enough, the day before, sweetie was just joking about the matter and the next day, it's as if God heard him and grant him his wish. How are we going to plan for the future if the economy and career's so uncertain? How are we gonna pay for the house without any CPF? I'm probably paranoid at this point in time, but I'm one who'd rather look on the dark side and treat the bright side as a bonus. An irrational / rational fear unreasonable crept into my head. After a period of awestruck silence, sweetie assured me that he'd soon find a job and that things would be fine. At times, I'm not sure if he's putting on a front just to give me assurance or he sincerely feels that things are not as bad as it seems...or perhaps, he's taking things too easy and looking fwd to more days of golf!

When my MIL was told, she asked him what's his plans. His reply "Golf more lor"....and she went"So old liao, still don't want to go give birth to 8 or 10 grandkids for me to play with?"..errrrr...........The sudden change or topic has total irrelevancy to the current situation. In fact, given the uncertainty of when the next bread and butter would come, we should not even think of having kids! Plagued by tons of bills, I feel so breathless over my new title -- Sole breadwinner. Was still secretly(ok, it wasn't so secret, i did tell sweetie!) entertaining thoughts of cutting down on work, guess I'm born a bull! THe future is unpredictable just as how we are now. I do have faith that my capable baby will find a job soon and in fact, this may be a blessing in disguise as this job, no doubt is in an MNC and allows him to learn lots, is no match in terms of dollars and cents as compared to his peers in other local firms. No AWS, no Bonus...geez....Also, it might do him good to go out and have a taste of how hard it is to run around doing real work as opposed to having a cushy work-from-home job.

Am supposed to go on a therapeutic retail trip tmw, but now, I'll have to be prudent in spending.