Thus Far. 31 weeks and counting

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

So we are in our 31st week already! RED ALERT! Where has all the time gone? My anxiety level is at its all time high and nesting instincts are kicking in fast and furious. It's strange that everyone, including myself, is so chill about this pregnancy. We've announced about the new bun in the oven since Chinese New Year but we've received lukewarm support and giveaways, if any at all. So I waited and waited coz the hubs kept assuring me that there is still time and that friends and relatives will shower us with hand-me-downs. But ALAS! Nothing. He realised that we've probably only got less than 9 more weeks to go! For a normal person with great support system, 9 weeks is a whole lot of time. but in my case, I am pretty much on my own, save for the MIL helping with Lil K's dinner on weekdays and Dad who is the designated chauffeur for Lil K when she dismisses from school in the evening. A big help of course as without Daddy Dearest, who is getting on in age but is always there for me, I wouldn't be able to come this far. Truly, he is the one who has been quietly supporting me, driving me for gynae checkups whenever the hubs is not in town. He brings Lil K and I lunch every weekday. He is my free labour, carrying Lil K, and picking up the grains she spills after lunch. He is my postman, helping with my deliveries to customers. Everyday, I see him age so much and at times I feel awful for not providing him with a better life. Though honestly, I think he his really doing quite well for his age, whilst I'm still struggling my ass off with tons of loans!

Now, with all that said, I should be moving at turbo speed but URGH! NO! Between having to manage chores, work, paying taxes, figuring out heaps of other stuff, revising how to all the baby stuff (which i've yet to do so..breathe breathe) and Lil K, I really don't have the time to do anything else! Really want to get that pre-natal massage and not postpone it to a post natal one. Really want to get those fat feet manicured and not let it outgrow the polish I had on during CNY. But the house is in disarray and it feels like I'm going through major spring cleaning again! I close both eyes and walk in a war zone everyday. but this can't be the way we are receiving our new member. Relax I hear? Chill and be happy? Well, I'm doing my best. In fact, I feel much happier this time round despite having tons to do. Can't help that I'm a planner and don't wish to be bothered by all those stuff during my confinement. Am hoping to put everything in place and hope the things (read Momzilla behaviour: activities for Lil K) I'm stocking up is enough to allow me to have some time to get used to the new pace of life. I'm an extremely random person and my things (despite filing them up) can be all over the place. Things really have to be more organised else I can't imagine the insanity I've to go through with managing the little ones, work and having to be a conscientious cow, which incidentally, I'm trying to break my previous record of 15 months. In addition, I won't be having the usual 4 months maternity break which most FTWMs get to enjoy coz I am accountable to myself.

The list of to-dos and anxiety is mounting but giving me loads of drive and focus. A trait (the drive and focus that is) I wish to pass on to my children. I, of coz, seek to reach an equilibrium but life is short and these are really challenges to make me a stronger person!

I am grateful for all the obstacles in my life. They've strengthen me as I continue with my journey!