Big K and her meltdowns

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I have new found respect for Motherhood. Especially towards mommies with no or very little help and have multiples at home! They say it gets easier, but i can't envision it. Not yet at least. Every morning i wake up (wait! Do i even sleep?) with new enlightenment that today will be a better day. That i'll gain more wisdom and patience in handling the two at home but when faced with a 2.5year old who goes "I want I want I want" or "no no no" whilst I'm latching or pumping for no. 2, oh boy, everything is thrown into another dimension.

Today was no difference. I was actually looking forward to a nice time doing a family shot which I'll talk about hopefully in another post. However, as usual things don't usually turn out the way you want. Small K was terribly difficult, kept wanting to be carried and wailed bloody murder the moment he is put down. I latched till my nipples got tired. What was suppose to be a 2/3 hour shoot dragged till 4hour! from 10am till 2pm! Halfway through, the hub came to me and said: stop torturing my son! Let's go! I was lost. I really did not want to subject the little one and everyone else to such torture, but they are only an infant once! Prior to that, we tried to involve Big K into the shoot and guess what? She'd rather run around checking out stuff and the moment we didn't give in to her demands, she's start to throw a sissy tantrum! To be honest, I cannot deal with the drama that comes with them and within 1.5hours I was exhausted beyond words. But i had to persist, otherwise, the hub will go " see i told you not to waste money on your stupid wants"...But babies are only babies once and I did not do this for Big K. Small K might possibly be our last kid so I really want to seal in the memories. PS: It was really worth it when you see the photos! Pity i don't have the budget to get the entire collection. :(

Fast forward, we arrived home at almost 3pm with lunch settled. Talk about efficiency. By then, my boobies were exploding and I pumped and let the nanny feed the baby. At this point in time, I was actually glad she's there to help. Took a long nap with Big K (thank goodness she cooperated) and was awoken by the nanny who came in announcing that dinner was ready. It was then that the drama started. Big K started whining and Small K needed to latch. I tried coaxing Big K but to no avail and decided it was easier to shove the younger one in and shut him up. That threw Big K into a bigger tirade. After a long feed, i tried to cajole Big K into having dinner, but all she wanted was her milk. These days, it's madness, she can be demanding for a feed thrice in an hour! I know that things will be thrown off track with the arrival of Small K but i didn't know it could be this bad. So naturally, i didn't give in to her milk request and she started throwing stuff and messing things up and of course, screaming her lungs out. I was knackered and cranky. In addition, the hubs has once again escaped the drama by going out with friends for dinner. How convenient. While I'm in house arrest (like always, confinement or no confinement), he goes out to have a social life. Geez.

Right after dinner, while giving Big K a shower, I got another request. Somehow, she thinks i'm her fairy godmother. She wanted cotton buds and lotion this time. I told her we shouldn't waste resources but *drum roll please* after a 5 minute tantrum plus it was again time to latch, she got her cotton bud and lotion. She was all good till she realised it was more fun to throw the bud into the bin. Which she did and requested for yet another bud. By then, my hands were full and clearly the answer was no. And Oh boy, that was so not the answer she was looking for and guess what happened next? You should know. It was then I sent the hub an sos text. I probably did so almost every other day when he's out with friends or golfing etc. The text went something like this: I'm gonna throw ur daughter out of the window soon. She's driving me insane! It didn't help that at that moment, Empress Dowager called. Silly me, thinking that she'll understand the predicament I was in, i told her I was very stress till I wanted to throw the kiddo out and she actually said "throw la throw la". What's up with this woman? I felt so guilty (towards Big K of coz) thereafter. I sat. I took a deep breath (with her screaming Mommy mommy i want i want i want). Then, I went up to her and told her that I didn't mean to scream and shout like a cantankerous mad woman and explained to her the consequences of her actions. She seemed to understand. She seemed like an angel there and then, nodding her head in agreement. That was enough for the moment. Everyday is a different day. I didn't add in the random messes made, the one hour meltdowns, the sick days (yup, Big K has been ill for the last few days, thus explaining why she's been extremely difficult) or the errands. I love kids and really appreciate Big K's sweetness. But i never factored in the roadblocks and challenges that comes along.

Have to rely on cute pictures to constantly remind myself to be calm and collected
How can such an angelic face turn into so monstrous at times?
Who can resist such a face and be angry the whole time? Sigh

Just how do you handle your little ones with others in tow and probably no help or little help at home? Do share!