DIY Samsung S3 covers

Crafting and the arts have always been in my blood but since young, my mom has been hindering my pursuit in the Arts. She said that being an artist can never earn big bucks. Old school. There's a wee bit of resentment for who knows I might have been the next big thing. For a while, I hid this talent from many. Aquaintances and even close ones would be pleasantly surprised at my deft fingers and creative juices. With the arrival of Lil K, things left me with very little time to relish nature or paint a picture, let alone craft. However, recently after knowing a bunch of "crafty" mommies, the love for crafting has been rekindled. I don't know where these people get the energy to craft, bake or even blog. Seriously people, do you sleep? Of late, I've been inspired by  Jasmine. The photos on her blog are oh-so-inspiring and beautifully captured. And her DIY projects are always on my bookmarked list. And in case you aren't aware, this talented mommy won the Best lifestyle Blog at the recent Singapore Blog Awards! Anyhoots, I've been meaning to try out one of her DIYs -- customisable iphone covers. A very clever idea. All you need essentially are those transparent covers and some nice pattened papers. However, stingy me am unwilling to part with those pretty full size scrapbooking sheets thus I thought, Why not print them out according to the size I want? Genius. Well almost, coz printer ink aren't cheap either!

 

I was really inspired by the below chalkboard quotes and wanted to replicate something for the phone. I mean how hard can that be right? No need for printer ink, just my trusty black paper and white pen! Pure Genius again. Wrong. I did not take into consideration that I'm customising for a Samsung S3 which has curves unlike the Iphone5! It was an ardous task to cut the three holes for the camera, flash and speaker. To cut to size as another difficulty. I tried but the end result was far from satisfactory. Then I tried inserting it into the transparent cover and guess what? It wouldn't close. Too thick I suppose.

 

So in the end, I did THIS! Simply printed what I wanted on normal printing paper and snapped them onto the phone using the transparent cover! No need to even cater for the three menacing holes! The end result might not be all that posh but hey, from far, it does looks pretty good and now I'm able to motivate myself with these beautiful covers!

 

 

 Here's the instructions credits to http://scissorspaperstoneblog.com

 

 I told you I was a genius! Teehee. :)

Review: Choosing the right BB cream

BB Cream. I've always been a fan of it. BB stands for beauty or Blemish Balm as it's more commonly known. It was first developed by a German dermatologist Dr.Christine Schrammek in the 1950s for her own patients to sooth skin, reduce redness and give it a more natural look after treatments such as peels. This multi purpose and multi tasking all-in-one cream is an anti-aging moisturizer, UV protecting tinted skin smoother, imperfection concealer and primer all in one. It's popularized by the Koreans and Japanese mainly who swore by it and managed to create that airbrushed feel with the BB cream . Ever since its emergence, I too, jumped onto the bandwagon. I used to be really conscious of my unsightly scars and flaming red skin. As such, I often piled on tons of foundation and concealer in hope to spare me the ridicule from mean people around. I used to be a fan of Bobbi Brown's foundation but since the evolution of the BB cream, I've tried Dr Jart+ BB cream but didn't like its shade and creamy texture which made me look pasty and unatural;  Garnier Skin Renew Miracle Skin Perfector B.B. Cream which again did not make the mark in the colour department. It's super-light but probably too light for my liking. I felt insecure. I know BB creams are not meant for coverage, but it didn't seem to sit well on my skin and ended up fading after a few hours. On top of that, it seemed to add to the oiliness of my flawed skin. If you are prone to acne breakouts or if your skin is sensitive, this may not be the product for you. Finally, i took to affordable brands like Bio Essence Aqua BB cream and used it for a while. The pink undertone matched my skin and it didn't oxidize after a day. The only drawback was that I didn't quite like its smell. Then, CC cream came into the picture. Also known as Color Control cream, or color correcting cream, it is a refined blemish balm cream or Beauty Balm created and developed in Korea. Immediately I got myself a tube from Rachel K at Watsons. Popular brands of CC creams include Rachel K, Loreal, and Chanel. Rachel K, a Singapore-based brand, is said to be the first brand to pioneer CC cream and introduce it into the market before other major beauty companies like Chanel, Lancome, Olay and L'Oreal. It was founded by Miss Singapore Universe, Rachel Kum. Local babe, worth supporting of course! Then again, I basically bought it because of it's affordability plus its range is the only one available in a limited market that is formulated with pure minerals, making it suitable for all skin types including highly sensitive ones as the mineral ingredients do not irritate or damage the skin.

I would have stuck with the CC cream if I wasn't introduced to the Laneige BB soothing cushion. It is

a unique compact that contains a cushion filled with cooling air and BB cream. The unique formula of LANEIGE BB cushion is that it provides five benefits, including:
-      cooling effect that instantly cools down and refreshes the skin fatigued under heat, by 3°C;

-      brightening effect;

-      sweat-proof, long-lasting coverage

-      daily protection against harmful UV rays and sun damage with SPF 50+ PA+++:

-      tone correction to medium coverage, creating a clean and natural look; 

 

Highly recommended by makeup artists and editors, this baby blends on so easily and naturally. All I had to do was to apply onto puff and smooth along the texture of skin. Then, pat to increase adherence. Finally, I applied another layer to improve coverage. I was instantly blown away with the final result! It felt light yet not naked. The price tag isn' too friendly on the pockets though. Retailing in Singapore at $59 which includes a refill. I didn't quite like the fact that they don't sell the puff separately. Hygiene is of utmost importance if you want to achieve good skin, thus, I make it a point to wash the puff every 2-3 days. However, even after washing, I have an inkling that the bacteria is still lurking and seeing the stains on the puff makes me uncomfortable. Still, with its complexion-enhancing goodness and ongoing skin benefits, this is definitely the absolute winner and a keeper!

Yet to jump on the BB train? What are you waiting for?

Grab a code, feel free to link up! 

  

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PS: This is not a paid review. All opinions are 100% my own. Results obtained from usage of the product may vary from person to person. Please do your own research when purchasing products as your opinion may differ from mine.

travelogue: bangkok jam

This post is wayyyy overdue. Blame it on the man duties I have to multi-task. Blame it on jam-packed agendas. Or simply, blame i on laziness.

After two weeks of rest, I decided to give myself a break. Or rather, the hub decided that I needed a break. An overseas one that is. So that broke my cardinal rule of not bringing the baby along on trips! We decided to go to the land of smiles and within the week, our airtix and hotel was booked. It has been 3 years since the hub and I travelled together ALONE. Don't get me wrong. I love that the lil one is with us on our trips but i suppose, time off is good in a time like this. Prior to leaving, i prepped lil k but unknown to me, the separation anxiety was more on me. How was i going to get my daily fix when i m a million miles away? There will not be any rolls to munch on when i m back! True enough my withdrawal syndrom started even as i arrived at the airport.

Upon arrival at bkk however,i caved in to the sights and embraced myself in the frenzy of escalating chaos. Yup, the jams were amazing. Thus we decided to tk the airport express to our hotel located near Asok BTS instead. It took us a total of half an hour to arrive. We first took a direct train to Makasan station and from there made a transfer to the MRT and alighted at Sukhumvit station. Exited entrance number 1 and viola, we arrived at the FX furama exclusive hotel.

 

 

I was pleasantly surprised by the room. Spacious, clean and bright. Only complaint i had -- the bed was too hard.

Don't expect too much from the daily buffet spread too. The photo may look pretty decent but the variety sux.

That night, we feasted at Tawangdang. It's a German Brewery and is actually a stand-alone huge ass bunglow. They have a branch in Singapore but of in bkk, it's way cheaper n  nicer! There were performances too to entertain us. The vibrant colours and multitude of dishes made me momentarily forget my woes.

 

I absolutely adore Thai food!! Can't believe it's been this long since I've been to the land of smiles.

Day 2: Took the train to Citlom and Went to Central World coz I heard there's a host of Plan Wooden Toys over at the Toys R Us. However, I reckon we probably have half of the shop at home, thus we went home empty handed. Talk about self-control! I was impressed. We then headed over to Platinum Wholesale mkt where the galore of stuff was amazing. 6 levels (i think) of shopping! Platinum Fashion Mall is located smack in the centre of Pratunam, a 10-minute walk from either Ratchathewi or Chidlom BTS Skytrain. At the end of the spree, i was merely zipping through the lanes. Stamina didn't seem to be as good as before. I used to be able to shop the entire plaza for 6 hours non-stop without stopping even for lunch, but now, it's a whole new story. I was done in a mere 2-3hours. The hub was pleasantly surprised. :)

 

Had this for lunch -- Pork Rice. For only 65bht

 

Day 3: Chatuchak market. A weekend market which all tourists should go. For first-timers, conquering Chatuchak may seem like an impossible task, but worry not.  Inside, one main walkway encircles the entire market, and it branches off into a series of numbered alleyways called Soi 1, Soi 2, Soi 3, and so on.

These alleys are grouped into sections, with 27 sections in all. You will find more than one category of goods contained in one section, and the same category of goods will appear again in the other sections. In terms of locating your category of goods, this system is rather useless; but it will come in handy when you try to locate your particular stall or where your exact location is on the Chatuchak map. I was actually not as enthusiastic as before. Perhaps age has caught up and thus the novelty has worn off. However, I was still keen to go try the highly acclaimed coconut ice-cream. A definite treat on a hot hot day!
 

 

 YUMS!

 

How to get there:

Hop on the skytrain (BTS) to Mo Chit station, take exit no. 1 and follow the crowd until you see rows of canvas stalls selling clothes.

Another option is to take the subway (MRT) to Chatuchak Park station (exit no.1), then follow the crowd until you arrive at the small entrance that leads into the market (clothing section). For the plant and flower section, get off at Kampheng Phet MRT station (exit no. 1).

The weekend market is open on Saturdays and Sundays, 09:00 - 18:00 (strangely I was there at 10am and several stalls were still not opend), and Fridays 18:00 - 24:00. Plant sections are also open on Wednesdays and Thursdays, from 07:00 - 18:00

 

 After a long day of dehydration under the sun, we needed a good massage to rejuvenate. So off we went to Healthland which was located within walking distance from our hotel. That was one reason why we wanted to stay at Furama. For the proximity to this spa haven. Without fail, everyday we visited it for our daily dosage of massage.

 

 

 

On our last day, just before heading to the airport (yes, we are that hardcore), we decided to give ourselves one last treat -- Aroma massage for 1000bht for 1.5hrs. Used to be 800bht. hmmm..the works of inflation. If you are opting for a less pricey deal, the typcal thai massage is abut 500bht. that's for 2 hour of pamper.

 

One of the places which we dined at was the highly talked about Ban Khun Mae. I shall let the photos tell you the level of satisfaction:

 

 BBQ Pig's neck

 

 

 

A must have at every meal: Yum Woon Sen. It's really quite easy to prepare. I wasn't quite over this whole Thai fiasco thus went back and tried replicating this dish. The hubs gave me at 88%. Below is the recipe if you are keen to try out:

Serves 2 | Prep Time: 20 Minutes | Cook Time: 10 Minutes

Ingredients:

4 oz pre-soaked mung bean noodles (glass noodles, cellophane noodles)

8-12 medium-sized shrimp, shelled and deveined

3 shallots, thinly sliced

1/2 small tomato, diced

1 tablespoon coarsely chopped cilantro leaves

Dressing Ingredients:

1 garlic, finely minced

1 1/2 tablespoons fish sauce

2 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons warm water

1 tablespoon lime juice, or to taste

1/2 tablespoon chili garlic paste

Method:

Dry mung bean noodles are very light. Soak the dry mung beans noodles with warm water for about 10 minutes (until soft). Discard the water, drain dry and set aside (use 4 oz of them for this recipe). Boil some water and add in the noodles and cook according to the package instruction (a couple of minutes or until the noodles are just cooked through but not mushy). Remove the noodles and drained. Using the same water, boil the shrimp until they are completely cooked. Remove and set aside.

Mix all the ingredients in the Dressing well (make sure the sugar is completely dissolved), set aside.

In a salad bowl, mix the mung bean noodles, shrimp, shallots, tomato, cilantro, mint with the Dressing. Toss to blend well. Add the roasted cashew nuts, stir to combine well. Serve immediately at room temperature or chill in the refrigerator for 30 minutes before serving.

 

 Another Must have in Thailand! Succulent BBQ Big headed prawns!

 

 

 There was a shop right across the street selling all mango desserts called Mango Tango. One of the famous Thai dessert is Mango Sticky Rice. Another must try!
The 4D3N was basically just eat, massage and be merry. Other worth mentioning places we visited was Somboon Seafood. Be warned that this place only accept cash.

 

The land of smiles is not only known for their food, pretty erm girls but also their creativity:

 

We chanced upon his Magnum cafe at Siam Paragon. Was tempted to  head in if not for the very filling dinner we had.

 

 

On the last day of our escapade, we had almost 5hours between checking out and departure, thus we decided to visit the mall nearby -- Terminal 21. Once again, it was within walking distance! It is located at the BTS and MRT intersection thus very accessible. This cutting edge mall is called Terminal 21 aparently because it is located at Asok Soi 21. If I'm wrong don't blame me! The hubs was my informer and he has the tendency to over-exaggerate his knowledge. I was impressed with the design of the place. Every level had a country theme. London, Istanbul, Paris, America, Rome etc. What blew me away was that the interesting concept extended to even the toilets! The small little shops on every floor also make it a good place to hunt for gems.

 

Was really glad I went on this trip. Did me good. Hope that you found the above information useful! Till next time XOXO

 

 Directory:
FX Hotel Makkasan
1643 / 5 New Phetchaburi Road | Makkasan Ratchathevi, Bangkok 10400, Thailand

Terminal 21

 2,88 Sukhumvit Soi 19(Wattana) Sukhumvit Rd., Bangkok 10110, Thailand

 

Mango Tango

Siam Square Soi 5

(https://maps.google.com/maps?q=13.744312,100.534454&oe=UTF-8&ie=UTF-8&hl=en)

 

Ban KhunMae Restaurant

458/6-9 Siam Square Soi 8, Rama 1 Road,

Patumwan District, Bangkok 1033

Tel: (662)250-1952-3 (best to call for reservations. the place can get pretty crowded)

 

Tawandang Bangkok

Rama III, Bangkok 10110, Thailand

+66 02 678 114 6

 

Pratunam Shopping Mall

Opening hours: 10am-10pm
Location: Petchburi, Ratcathewi

BTS: The nearest Skytrain station is Chitlom (quite a walk if you ask me)

 

MBK Shopping Mall

444 Phayathai Road | Patumwan, Bangkok, Thailand (Old City)

 

Somboon Seafood

The one we went to was their Ratchada branch

167/9-12 Huay-Kwang Intersection,
Ratchadapisek Rd., DinDeang, Bangkok 10320
Tel. 02-692-6850-3 (best to make reservations)

 

Chatuhak Weekend Market

Chatuchak Market is adjacent to the Kamphaengpecth Station (MRT) about 5 minute walk from Mochit Skytrain (BTS) Station and Suan Chatuchak (Chatuchak Park) Station (MRT)

Review: Olay Prox X Advanced Cleansing System

Cleansing is the most important part of my facial regime and I found that no matter how much I wash, the makeup and goop in the pores seems to be still there. Note. I double triple cleanse, but after the toner stage, i still see makeup stains. I've spent so much time cleansing but no matter how, my face just doesn't feel clean. And if i do it too long, the skin will feel dry. I was tempted to get the Clarisonic which cost a whopping $200+! No way am I gona pay that sort of price. Just as I was about to sink my teeth into that all expensive machine, I FOUND my answer -- OLAY PRO X ADVANCED CLEANSING SYSTEM

 

 

This cleansing system is said to cleanse skin 6x better and helps to maximize the immediate hytrating effectiveness of your various facial products. I don't know about whether it's 6x better but it's definitely BETTER and I'm totally sold! My pores are sooo clean now I can see how big they are. Ok, i'm not sure which is better, big pores or clean pores. Probably the latter, afterall clogged pores and breakouts are synonymous.

 

Here's more about the system. It has 2-speed rotating system which delivers daily deep cleansing and gentle exfoliation. The brush, despite being battery operated, is water resistant for use in the shower. It came with a sample size renewal cleanser which is to be applied prior to brushing. The cleansing brush can be used with any other cleanser and I'd recommend to remove your makeup prior to digging the goop out of those pores. The brush head should be dampened lightly with water and thereafter, rotate it gently around the face for approximately 60 seconds. One should avoid the eye area as the skin is thin. Afterwhich, rinse your face and brush head with water. The neat thing is refills for the brush head is available so after approximately 3 months, it's a good idea to change to avoid an accumulation of bacteria. You don't have to use the system everyday, probably twice a week would be good enough. However, should you use the slower speed, it's gentle enough to use daily. This brush is definitely a keeper!

Do you have any beauty secrets? Grab a code, feel free to link up!
 

  

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PS: This is not a paid review. All opinions are 100% my own. Results obtained from usage of the product may vary from person to person. Please do your own research when purchasing products as your opinion may differ from mine.

Review: Nature Republic Snail Solution

Today I'm gonna talk about something slimy. Live snails are crawling on women's faces in Japan! Yup I don't really know why they pay heaps (I heard around SGD106)to have something you can get in your garden to crawl all over your face, but apparently, it is said to remove old cells, heal the skin after sun burn and moisturise it and ha anti-ageing effect on human skin. Some cosmetics are already sold with essence of escargot.

I can't possibly fly to Japan so the next best thing was to use the slimy products. When I first learned about snail's slim being embodied in an all natural skin care treatment, my reaction was one of bewilderment and grimaces. Some time back, I think I've mentioned that the hub brought back a big loot of facial products from his Korean business trip. I've started using them and would like to share with you guys the wonderful results I'm getting from this whole snail therapy. Initially, I've actually instructed the hubs to get a more popular brand as I'm not familiar with the rest. However, that brand only has one pathetic outlet thus the hub simply decided to grab any brand with the word SNAIL. 

Snail creams have been around in Korea for some time now. Snail secretion is such a substance touted as the cure for your skin. Whitening, brightening, moisturizing, hydrating, anti-aging, skin repairing, treat inflammation, control acne, and even dissolve stretch marks.you name it and supposedly snail is the answer. The balance between collagen and elastin in the skin of snails is almost the same to that of humans. When snails face hardship, they naturally produce a serum that is packed with antioxidants, anti-inflammatories, immune modulators, proteins, co-enzymes, and cell-communicating ingredients. This is the principle ingredient in snail creams.

Not quite sure about the anti-aging/ hydrating bit but it definitely is helping with my scaring! Since young, I've been plagued with acne. It's so bad during my teens that friends will tease me and I'll hide in my shell (like a snail). Inferiority was inherent and to mask it, I slapped on makeup. Not a wise move considering that it clogs pores. Empress Dowager is a believer of SQUEEZING and is constantly popping my acne thus leaving me scars which till today is apparent. It's not too bad after the teenage cycle but each time i bathe or laugh, the ugly red marks would show and it's as if i've been drinking. 

The set that sweetie bought includes an eye cream (which I've yet to try), ampoule (which i religiously apply before makeup) and the heavenly snail cream! On top of that, he got me a whole stack of facial masks which instantly whitens my skin. When applying the snail mucin, i was a little skeptical and worried that it will make my skin oily, however, it was more of moisturized than oily. The ampoule served as a protection before my makeup and I feel like my skin isn't so damaged by those products I slap on. It gives me some form of hydration as well.
When applied to clean skin, the snail cream will fuse with your skin cells and stimulate the innate healing processes of your skin. It also triggers the orderly repair and regeneration of damaged and cells affected by UV damage
Well, seeing is believing, Look below for the results:

BEFORE: See all the nasty red spots?

After: GORGEOUS RESULTS!! love it love it love it! The reason why this photo looks like a passport photo is coz it is. Am getting a new one done. Lighting may defer slightly but even if you discount the result by 30%, there's still a significant improvement! Now I just need to work on the huge pores and fine/ not so fine lines!

Here's the legendary set: Eye cream, Ampoule, Snail cream and mask sheet. The whole set cost slightly over $100. Money well spent but hopefully no snail has been harmed in the process!

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it ~ Confucius

Share with us your beauty secrets today by linking up! Grab the button below!

  

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PS: This is not a paid review. All opinions are 100% my own. Results obtained from usage of the product may vary from person to person. Please do your own research when purchasing products as your opinion may differ from mine.

How to cope with grief

Tick tock tick tock...It's late at night. 2am to be specific at the pt of typing this post. I tossed and turned in bed after Lil K had her dream feed. The obscurity of the night is augmented by the silence. It's somewhat tranquil, yet lonely. I roamed about my house, and finally settled for a moment, standing right by the window. The crescent moon hung ceremoniously accompanied by a couple of stars twinkling like an entourage. I wonder which is Baby B's star. Just as I was embracing the moment, suddenly a jolt of lightning seared through the air. Within seconds, the cumulous clouds opened up like a dam and rain gushed down like white-water...somehow, I felt this was replicating my inner feelings. The pelts of raindrops drenched the Earth and I thought I'd better catch up on work since I can't sleep. As I was ploughing through stuff, suddenly a moth (a big one no less!) flew through my window,as if seeking shelter from the precipitous rain. I looked at it and wonder if it could be Baby B's "visit". You see, the Chinese believe that when a person dies, its soul will reincarnate into an animal and more often than not, they believe that should a moth visit your house, it's likely to be your "next-of-kin". Well, i certainly don't think  grandma, who passed away when I was in Primary school, or great-granny who passed away when I was in Sec School know their way to my home given that I've shifted a few times! So, I decided. It had to be Baby B. I spoke to it and somehow, instead of fly frenetically around due to the prescence of a human being, it stayed put. I was convinced. But then again, I most probably am being emo again.

Griefing is hard work. It takes patience and energy. I was (past tense) in denial and you can't blame me for it as time is needed to achieve acceptance. All is not bleak and I having to cope and regain the sense of control. I need to invest my energy in the future instead of the past. I've been focusing heaps on Lil K and the hub has been a strong pillar of support despite not being there physically due to his crazy business trips. I need to evaluate my direction in life, values and beliefs. What is the meaning of all these? People always say things happen for a reason, so what is the reason? Was it chromosonal abnormality or the fact that i didn't nourish enough during my confinement? I'll probably never know. I know. I am going around in circles. Despite thinking that I've accepted, once a new school of thought gets introduced, it throws everything off course and I'll sink into my abyss once more.

Women don't seem to talk much about it. Researchers indicate that 20% of pregnancy end up in miscarriages. This silence is pervasive and unhealthy. That is why I am venting (sharing) a whole lot. If you dislike my incessant ramblings, I'm sorry, come back in a year's time. I know it's not my fault but the tendency to beat myself up because I know I could have done more to nourish myself is eating me up. It's nature's way of ensuring that only the strong will survive. That I know too. See, I told you I was going in circles.  

One way to cope with difficult times is to talk to friends. I did but the lack of empathy from those close by is rather heartbreaking. In fact, I find talking to aquantainces or  like-minded strangers easier. At least they are more objective.

I know that every advice given is all with good intentions but  I read a book lately (Gorgeous, Sexy, Rich and Strong) and I'd like to quote:

"Listeners should avoid giving advice, criticising what you have heard; or minimising the miscarriage. You should avoid saying things like, "that's okay, you were only three months" (Yup, heard that); using cliches, It was God's will (YAH I heard that a gazillion times!) or "You've already had one healthy child" (That's the ultimate for me!! N i get it ALL THE TIME!). You should also avoid relating of  your own story of loss (I personally find that rather good sharing). Some identification may be helpful, but keep it to a minimum. Don't try to stop someone's expression of emotions whether these are guilt, shame or anger. Do not invalidate how they feel. It is also not your job to take away their pain. People need to deal with pain in their own way"

Invalidation of feelings. That's what I got from many. I've been barking up the wrong tree. Each time I sink into an emotional hole, I simply randomly pick up the phone and confide in the first person I see. Too trusting? Too naive? Thinking that the next-of-kin should be my best bet, I did just that the other day. Not only was my feelings being invalidated, I was given the harsh option of removing the disturbing ovary due to pcos. Geez. If you are unmarried/ not pregnant before or that you have been living in the castle all your life, then who are to make such comments? (as logicial or rational as it sounds) Human nature. When things don't happen to you, you can speak with all positivity and calmness. You dish out advice loosely. Ok, granted not all are like that and am thankful for the strangers/ aquantainces/ friends in my life who are helping me find the purpose of life. Faith is needed to find peace. Maybe my faith ain't strong enough thus I'm still an angsty fellow, as said by a friend who was trying to get me back to church. The whole thing was a tad pushy. Does not going to church brand you as an un-holy person? I have my own special ways of connecting with God so please don't criticise me. I hope some day I'll find my sanctuary of peace and segregate myself from people who will affect me. As much as I appreciate all the help rendered, I think by doing so would make my life less miserable.

It's 6am now (no i didn't take hours to craft this entry! was in between stuff). Am gonna get ready to hit the wet market --therapeutic! Will go get my nourishment myself and strive to be a healthier person. The sun will soon cast its brilliant rays across th land, creating a masterpiece, signally the start of a brand new day. With the new day beckoning, I look forward to a new me (or rather, the old me) soon!

 

PS: Don't be afraid to post me comments after this! haha
PPS: The moth stayed till the next day and flew to the dining area and stayed there whilst we were having dinner. Thereafter, it left. Hmmm....call me silly but I'm really having a funny feeling.

Lost. Pcos hits.

Life's a bitch. Seriously.

 

Just when I'm ready to move on and restore my faith, bad news hits me with such great velocity yet again. Can't its frequency be reduced? What have I done to deserve such wavelengths?

 

Was at the gynae's on Wednesday. As I lay on the same bed where the bad news was told to me a month and a half ago, i had a strange inkling that something bad would befall as I looked at the screen. My sixth sense was right. Dr Ho found that I have polycystic ovary, pcos for short. This condition results in irregular menstruation, amenorrhea, ovulation-related infertility (great....just great...just when I got back on my feet, someone up there decides to play a cruel trick on me), and polycystic ovaries; excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones (the hub tried to assure me that I'm no where near that coz he don't see a beard or moustache), resulting in acne (yes. there's a sudden outbreak) and hirsutism; and insulin resistance, often associated with obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and high cholesterol levels. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among affected women. Fertility issues aside, having such a bomb in me which could manifest into other stuff is really very upsetting and disturbing. A chat with some mommy friends and i realise that this condition is quite prevalent although the gynae said it affects only 10% of the women. Coupled with my age, this increases the chances of a miscarriage to 30%. The cause -- likely to be heriditary. Thanks a lot, Mom. Double, Triple whammy not? My heart is weak and I don't think I can take such news. Was in denial for two days. Lost all appetite and had trouble sleeping. My mood was bad and patience was not in my dictionary. It doesn't help that Lil K needs all my attention.

 

They say an idle mind is the devil's playground. But in this instance, how can I get rid of negative thoughts? I've been trying to occupy myself with work and stuff, but it only rendered me tired. The hub was also in denial and believes it's a misdiagnosis. He said I do not exude any of the symtoms. With that said, on the next day, I bled. I wasn't suppose to. It's mid cycle. A sign of ovulation bleeding? I didn't want to procrastinate. I had to do something but what? The specialist said there's no known cure! no medication, no surgery. Nice. With mounting stress, I entertained further negative thoughts. Aquaintance will say stuff like" it's ok, you still have lil K". Leave her out of the picture i say! I love her to bits but it's really cruel to take away the chance of letting her have a sibling. I certainly don't wish for her to be like me -- an only child. A lonely only child.

 

I'm feeling frustrated, confused and lost. Why? Why me? Of coz I know that there are people out there who are worse, but right now, the fact that I can hear my ovaries bitching (they are literally pulsating somehow.....can feel a slight pain on my left at this moment for some reasons) isn't helping! For the past month, i viewed my feelings as a weakness and wanted to get rid of all obstacles. i did. but with this news, how am I to pick up the pieces again?

 

Seeing my devastation, the hub consoled me by saying something senseless -- he is satisfied with just lil K. Oh my! I was speechless yet I wanted to smack him in the face! what a thing to say! where is the fighting spirit? To think I told him that a few mommies I now have conceived naturally even with pcos. Depressed, I sought help from a TCM near my place who is supposedly pretty well known in this field. Was glad I did so. Yet because of him, I found out yet another news which would cause my blood presure to shoot up by the millions. After taking my pulse, he was able to tell me that my m/c was due to the lack of progestorone. I questioned him. Strange that such a thing would happen since I already have lil K. The reason he claimed -- I did not nourish enough during my confinement and during the 1st 6 months after lil K. The angry voice in me spoke yet again. My confinement was done by the MIL. everyone thought that was the best thing and said how lucky I was to have her since she was a great cook. I thought so too. Confinement was 3 square meals, a dish each time (sometime's it's just rice with a plate of ginger fried egg) with a soup only during dinner + a flask of red date with longan water which wouldn't last me through the day. To think that I naively thought this was how confinement should be done. Back then I thought I was really blessed coz mom didn't quite bother thus I was thankful to have help from a kin. Even when fellow mommies told me how much food they had to eat during their confinement (5 meals per day, 3 soups per day etc), I didn't hold a grudge because I was truly thankful that she alleviated my fears for having an outsider to take care of my child. However, such thoughts ceased upon hearing that I might not have lost my child should I have been better taken care of. Unwilling to accept, I argued with the TCM physician who went on telling me that chromosonal abnormality possibility was low since I already had lil K. By now, I know that if i spoke, every word will be laced with anger. Everyone is moving on and getting on with life and I'm made to sink in this hole of depression. I know I should not waste time being mad at people, but it's inevitable to have such feelings. It's exhausting to have to conquer such frustrations yet again. It's maddening! I feel like I'm struggling through a tasteless cup of coffee. I wish there's a wee bit of sugar left at the bottom which I've yet to discover and stir. At times, I really feel that the world is inconspiracy to importune me. Sickness, fear, etc, all knock at once.

 

Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's like a rubbish bin. Full of shit!

So now I'm right back where I've started. Sober and miserable.