Eliminate and Concentrate

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Sorry for the blog pause, that is if anyone out there is actually reading. It's been quite a whirlwind of activities ever since last November when the lil bub came into our world. I spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out her incessant wails and planning her next feed or my next pump. Now that work has started, every night when I'm back, it's a joy watching her finally succumbing to her fatigue. It's such a breather to be able to sit and followup on things thereafter, only to worry that the lil bub will decide to wake up at 2+am. My brain is certainly not designed to function at the wee hours of the day as the only acceptable thing to do is to snuggle up in bed. That said, in the past i used to do late nights. Coming home at 5am till dad had to lock me out was no surprise. N pre-pregnancy, staying up to chat with sis L till 4am is also a routine. But these days, I'm just hoping I've more time for sleep. I'd be thankful if lil bub allows me a full 4 hours stretch of undisturbed sleep. It's certainly vital that her neural tube develops properly and one way is to SLEEP!

It's a daunting challenge albeit a very rewarding one to be placed in this situation. Love involves sacrifices and I astound myself with my productivity at times. Ok, i can certainly do better but seems like there's always an endless amount of things to follow up. Bad thing about me is I like to tackle the easy stuff first before working up the guts to do something more intense. By then, the pile of stuff would sit there and mock me. Sometimes, I accumulate so many things to do that it starts to look impossible. To be fair, I haven't exactly been very organised in more ways than others. Perhaps coz endless amount of things seem to be coming in ie. enquiries for Jumpstart (which is a good thing); research on lil bub's kindy matters (that will come in a separate post some time lter i hope) and not to mention, with the exams round the corner, a crazy amount of homework to followup. In fact, was just telling the hub that i haven't been able to concentrate and focus even when driving. His reply -- Lack of sleep. I know how u feel. You do? seriously? The hub is always in bed by the time lil bub goes to bed which is approximately midnight. I can't imagine how it'd be when he travels again. With him around, at least lil bub gets to be home early..else she'd have to wait till 10+pm before mommy picks her. By then, fatigue has overwhelmed her and she'd be all cranky. Not a very welcoming gesture after a long day. As if that's not challenging enough, her fussing moments before sleep can take one anywhere from half an hour to an hour or so! In all fairness however, he tries to alleviate my agony. I'm not complaining about this new role, just wonder when I can slow down a bit and concentrate on the lil bub and myself. The hub suggested going for a trip...just the both of us, but easier said than done! He's pressing me for a date to go on the trip and I insisted on bringing lil bub so it won't be that taxing on the MIL. Baby needs mommy! no seriously, u should see her at night prior to her bed time. In anycase, I don't want to be lugging my pump n have to dump whatever I've express. Heart pain! But there's a lot of matters to worry about should we bring baby along eg hv we brought enough diapers? would she feel awful at take off and landing? Will she change her routine n mess things up? Would the ppl there be open to nursing in public? My goodness, the list seems endless, but to the hub, he just wants a "break" from sunny Singapore. We'll see.

I think i seriously need to re-assess my routine. Need to eliminate all the fuzz and concentrate! To begin, maybe I should acknowledge what's mounting on my to-do list and grasp those issues by the horns instead of procrastinating. Need to try harder at spending more time with the lil bub. Guilt is eating me up when I see how she's struggling to keep awake just to see her mama at night! In all honesty, I think i haven't been all that industrious compared to a few months back. It's a stark contrast eg I'd be waking up at 5am to pump but now, i'd rather sleep n pray that lil bub will wake up only at 7am. It's increasingly difficult to be motivated with all this sleep deprivation going on. With that said, i should perhaps stop typing and start doing something more substantial!! haha