Tuesday, October 12, 2010

To entertain such a thought is scary enough. But to receive an acknowledgment, void of emotions n w/o hesitation is beyond melancholy.

The first post after the long hiatus meant to be a happy one and due in the next 48hrs, but unfortunately, God has once again twirled my fate round his fingers. A test once more. i was truly looking forward to launching the blog with a bang after hibernating for so long. I was honestly beaming with exuberance and could imagine the happy thoughts and pictures I'd be posting. Ecstasy was literally screaming from every fibre in my body as I await your arrival in anticipation. However it's now all different. I feel a twinge of bereavement coz
it has died and in that split second, I was plummeted into the depths of despair. My spirits are at an all-time low right now and there's no one to confide at this hour, except for good friend N.Thank u, N, for being here for me in my darkest moments. Thank you for listening and reassuring me that I'm sane and letting me know that u'd always be here for me.

So what if I'm drowning in my own sorrows or wallowing in my own despair. Would u understand this bottled up feeling or adamantly refuse to listen to the root of things? Prolly not. In exchange, I'd probably be chided for my rampage. Explanation lingered a the tip of my tongue but yet I failed to verbalise it each time as I'm shot by the incessant torrent of accusations or rational alternatives. My throat constrict as you post a "yes/ no" question. Rational I'm not, Emotional I am. Control as I may try, but sometimes certain things are beyond my control. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus in case you missed that out in your life lessons.

Right now, the pang of pain is gripping ever so tightly but life still must go on. I have to stifle those tears.