The bang is still reverberating in my ears

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I've a list of things to blog about, unfortunately, the mind is willing but flesh is weak. Especially after receiving news the following news: Central Weather Bureau (CWB) warned of torrential rainfall on Sunday and transportation services were suspended as Taiwan braced Saturday night for a direct hit by Typhoon Fanapi. What has Taiwan got to do with me? Everything! The Hubs is there now! The heart has been feeling extremely unsettled since yesterday. Each time he ventures abroad, I'll worry and sometimes get overly paranoid. Naturally! He means the world to me!

Because of this, sleep has been compromised and today, after working from 9-6pm, and after rushing around like a mad woman, running errands, the consequences finally caved in -- A minor accident, at the junction of Bedok Reservoir View, on my way to B's house for mooncake fest. The mind seemed to have switched off momentarily after the lights turned green. Upon releasing the brakes, the next thing I heard was the reverberation of the bang. A slight one but it was sonorous no less. I could hear my own pulses as my heart palpitated. A quick check revealed that there were minor scratches. Hopefully no dents though my suspicion is heightened after continually reviewing the photos. My face blanched with trepidation and eyes faltered with fear. Perhaps seeing this, the driver put on an amicable tone, constantly assuring me that it's a small matter and he'll send in to his mechanic for an assessment. Prolly a quick touchup or spray-paint would suffice. The entire scene is now rewinding constantly in my mind, like a reel rolling out a horror flick. I've been driving for 12 years and nothing as such happened. The record has always been clean (ok, there was just this once when I was still a greenhorn). Being a newbie in this, I was naturally cowering in fear and the erratic thumping of my heart was driving me into deeper panic. However, the rational and practical side of me told me there's nothing to fear if money can settle it all. Told the hubs and after knowing that I was fine, he hung up. Overseas calls are a killer and he must have figured it wasn't worth talking to an inconsolable woman. Distraught, in disarray....words simply cannot spell out how I'm feeling now. I'm relishing a good hug or a comforting voice. Even a shower wasn't enough to neutralise the incident. The only comfort I sought from was from my trusty insurance agent. I didn't know who to look for. Friends galore, but it's sometimes difficult to discern who my real friends and fair weather ones are. It's not like I've committed something treacherous or shameful, but I had to be selective as to whom I'm hearing from. It's probably a girl's thing. Ok this doesn't really make sense since I'm seeking solace by blogging! IRONIC!

Upon reflecting, I was probably too absorbed in the day's events. Tired out by the spectrum of activities and worry. Good winds may be filling the sails of the economy, but finding a job is still not a breeze. Needless to say, the hub's happy-go-lucky nature probably left him to dismiss today's episode as a small matter. We seem to always be on opposite trajectories. It is a clear manifestation that in an event of need, I may not have a single next-of-kin to turn to. A sordid affair of my fears. Though, to be fair, the bro-in-law was a call away to give me sound advice. Rationally, I've got things covered. Several advisers around. But emotionally, it's a different story altogether.

I've chalked up my reaction to exhaustion. Hopefully that would give me some undisturbed sleep tonight. The tummy isn't cooperating and the aura seems to be acting up on me again. Today's drama has further scratched that sensitive spot which most people develop when approaching a certain age horizon. Inexplicably, this encounter made me so morose.

I can only pray hard for the calming of the mind, feelings of peace and comfort, decreased inner conflict, increased ability to be an observer of myself and my life