I'm blogging today with a terribly heavy heart. It hadnt been an easy month. With the little boy throwing tantrums over wanting to play his PSP and Warcraft, till two smses received yesterday. Things just aint going well.
SMS number one: "I've decided to stop all help for XXX. pls let me know how much i've owed u so far."(which inevitably means tuition). The msg sent me wondering why. Was it becoz I'm incompetent? It takes two hands to clap and often when the kid doesn't want to clap, the tutor gets the blame. I do my best, but i understand what parents want too -- Results. which comes only when all parties cooperates. just the wk before, i was chatting merrily with the parent and she was all smiles. Apparently, I learnt from the younger child today that it's all a mask. Son doesn't want to obey mom, carried on playing computer games till wee hours. Mom was devastated and distraughted. Finally made the painful decision that since he doesnt want to help himself, she's not gonna help him too. The son doesn't even know i wont be coming this Thursday. It's such a sudden departure. Then one thing led to another. I sent a concerned sms to parent who later revealed that she's going through a tough patch with the hubby too regarding finances. hubby not giving her financial support. SEe what i Mean? Computer + Money -- Two major vices in one's life! How many times have i heard from a woman that she has financial probs with hubby. In fact, that has always been the root of my quarrels with my hubby. We are otherwise a very loving couple if not for the occasional arguments about expenses. Mainly because I'm a more prudent person whilst he is a more spendthrift person. N I'm a planner, whilst he thinks that money is something u can't bring into the coffin. But if you dont plan, when will u ever retire? Who's gonna look after parents nxt time...n more importantly, will we ever be ready for kids if money is not enuff? All these have been bugging me for the longest time, which is why when the parent told me her woes, I suddenly felt the pain. But yet, there's this nasty thought in me which I havent been able to get rid off. The younger child also revealed that daddy has bought a condo which should be ready in 2 yrs time. bought a condo? Financial problems? it just didn't make sense to me. Was it all just an excuse? sigh. i try to think positively, but it's hard.
SMS number two: Kena backstabbed by an old lady! No wonder they say the older the ginger, the hotter it is. This fiesty old woman is terrible! She's so frenly with me. gives me food when she knows i never eat. Always interupts my lesson by bitching about her daughter-in-law. Hurling vulgarities in front of my poor kid too. What will the boy grow up to be? Anyway, the gist of the whole story was -- She complained to boy's mom that i've been occasionally leaving before time was up. Hmmm....firstly, I've got a witness. The boy. Who is constantly fearing that i'd be late for my next lesson and always calculating what time i should be leaving. Secondly, the clock in their living room is 5 mins fast, thus i'm also staying a tit longer. But of coz occasionally i dont deny that I'm late (come on! Have some mercy, Singapore's traffic is crazy!) and might have to leave on the dot else I wont be able to beat the next traffic and will result in a domino effect. but my motto has always been to try to pay back the next time. Seriously, these people dont see the good stuff like when i stay 10 -15mins longer just to make sure the kid understands or finishes up his work. Why are Singaporeans so unkind and pick a bone in an egg? Gosh. Despite the support from the parent, i still feel heavy-hearted over it. It's not a nice feeling that behind that kind old lady who often portray herself as a nice lady who dont say bad about others; and who always boasts about being fabulous to others whilst others do shit to her, is a person who is actually damn ugly. I really feel like cursing n swearing at this moment.
Life. Filled with unpredictable stuff. Last thing which filled my heart with stones was the realisation that my friend's precious dog has bone cancer. Why must life be so cruel and take away a life like that. especially since the dog doesn't have the chance to choose what's good or bad for it. Worse still, it can't talk to us and tell us if it's happy or sad. Chemo? Amputation? The poor owner has a painful decision to make.
I think i'll take a while to sort out my thoughts. Suddenly i feel so lost on what's my next step. Should I do as planned? Going for a run now. Hopefully I'll be in the reborn-stage soon. Wish me luck!
