A Day in the life of a solo-parent

Soloparenting. A word synonymous with lonely, tiring, frustrating, sometimes happy but mostly tough. I'm no stranger to this. In fact, most would agree, I am a veteran! Ever since Big K was born, the hubs had travelled on the third week of my confinement. Then when Small K was born, I prayed fervently that he could at least be around for the full month but SURPRISE, he flew on week 3 as well! Deja vu! Leaving me to mambo with 2 young ones! As a newly minted mother of two, this certainly wasn't my idea of bliss. My confinement any fell ill the day the hubs left and I had to send her home the next day. Mom came to my rescue but she, too gave up the next day after one night of disco.

As the days went by, things became better. Not because the travels diminished but perhaps I became numbed by it all. What can't kill you will make you stronger right? It's nice if the hubs is in town. He does most menial tasks and picks the kids up at night. Settles them and reads them stories so that when I reach home, all I needed to do was to give them a hug and a kiss. Everything else falls on my shoulders when he is away. We have no helper and I work crazy hours. I used to grumble a lot as his travels could be at the eleventh hour and sometimes spans across weekends. Mega hate! It is tough to plan birthday parties or anniversary celebrations with his uncertain schedule. You could book him one minute, but the next minute he will pull a disappearing act again. He, is worse than a pilot! These days I take things in stride. I plan things for my kids and if he is around, it would be a bonus. In fact, it is much easier to plan things without him being in the picture. Coz he isn't a fan of kids' parties or anything kiddish.

So how is a day in my life like? Well, last weekend was a pretty atypical one. It was packed with activities back to back! On Saturday, we had a media event to attend followed by some playground fun, then off we went to a birthday party, swimming class and finally dinner at the mall. We were out from 9am till 9pm! You think that is epic? Well, let me share with you what we did on Sunday -- 17 September; 8am to 11pm:

I was egged by mmlittlee and decided to take the plunge to drive through the causeway myself together with my two littles, to Legoland. In all honesty, I was scared! What if I lose my way? But it is one straight road isn't it? What if I got robbed? Hmmm, I don't have that much money to begin with. All these worries flooded my mind and I decided to seek the hub's opinion. The man gave me a credulous look and flashed the green light stating that is was a brainless thing to drive across the causeway and that anyone could do it. Ohhh, but would anyone do it with two kids aged 5+ and 3? His mentality is built on the fact that his mom is an independent woman who would drive in alone with her brand new family car, without informing anyone, across the causeway, just to pump petrol or buy fresh fish! I informed the mother-in-law of my plans and she was actually more concerned about the jam more than anything else.

So, I went. And with the guidance rendered by mmlittlee, I conquered the 2nd link! The way home was a little more harrowing as I followed SoNatty's hubby's car and was led to the first link instead. It was late at night, plus it was raining. But somehow, i wasn't afraid. Now, we all know how crazy traffic is over at the the first link and true enough, I lost sight of his car! But fret not as my training in chauffeuring for years has given me good topo sense. Plus, the immigration building was within sight. It was really rather brainless. The only problem:: The jam at 930pm! Thankfully the kids were good. Small K slept through while Big K slept but woke up midway asking if we have arrived. Sorry baby, the jam's bad. 

So after a grand 2 hours, we arrived home and I quickly got Big K to brush her teeth and while she was at it, I quickly loaded our dirty laundry and then chased her to her room and made her sleep. While the washing machine was spinning, I also managed to shower, do a facial mask, folded my clean laundry, washed their bottles, prepared soup for the next day and followed up on my little business over at LeBox. It was a race against the washer! That kept my adrenaline up! This, in fact, is a typical exercise I do every night! I would set something to do and settle all other things within the given time frame. Multitasking is in the blood of most soloparents. It is a survival skill! That night, they slept very well. They did, as usual, climbed up my bed midway, but I was too tired to even notice. Plus, with the hubs out of the way, 3 on a bed wasn't that bad a crowd.

While going to Legoland is an atypical day, my days as a solo-parent is generally the same. With work packed to the brim in the day after I send them off to school in the afternoon and #momlife at night. Weekends are no better as I try to pack their day with at least 2 to 3 activities. Sometimes, this can go all the way up to 4! Psst! I'm gonna share with you what keeps me alive! Nope, it isn't coffee as I'm not a coffee addict, but the following items!

I will take double the shots if i know it was going to be a long day. It works! A healthy alternative to red bull!

Ok, the above varies, but essentially, alcohol can be my best company during solo days. It keeps me sane.

Solo or not, things are pretty much the same. Life goes on and the pillar of my life are my two cuties.  I used to cry a lot over this, but after some time I realised, no one's gonna pity me. No one's gonna help me. So i have started sharing with like-minded friends instead. For all you solo parents out there, I advise you to be mentally strong and to focus on things you enjoy. One reason why I tend to fill my plate to the brim. This keeps me positive and focus instead of letting my imagination run wild or wallow in my pitiful state. Plan your life around yourself and if the partner is around, it's a bonus. I do get my mood swings too but little milestones like solo to Legoland gets me back on track again!

Newsflash!::

As I was crafting this post midway, a text from the hubs came in and I am now hit by severe mood swings. He is currently away but has informed me of his tentative October schedule. I'm usually quite chill except that this round, it will clash with Big K's graduation performance! The girl will be so devastated if she knew her dad isn't able to make it! It would scar her for life! Most would say that he didn't mean it since it is work. Yes. I have to agree. I have to be that oh-so-supportive wife who doesn't gets into a crazy fit each time he announces his long hauls. But this time, I am this close to losing it. Because, he didn't realised that it clashed till I commented. Clearly, what I had been telling him didn't register despite incessant naggings! I had told him to lock this in his calendar eons ago. Really hoping for a miracle to happen now.

Life as a solo parent can be so daunting and mentally and physically draining. I get a lot of moments when I am plagued with guilt for not being able to give either child the attention they crave or deserve. I have to exercise restraint as things does get a little intense and patience does get tested. But let's be strong and support each other. We can't fault the man as it is work. But perhaps a little more sensitivity, mindfulness and appreciation would go a long way?

To all soloist out there, how do you do it? Share your tips!

Day in a life of Janice Wong

This has been a mandatory post which I had always wanted to do. Procrastination got the better of me (what's new?) but finally, I pushed myself into writing, so that 10 years down the road, I am able to look back and feel darn good (or not) about myself. Life is a story and this is mine.

Photo credit: http://www.doubleedgefitness.com/life/

This is probably the period in my life when I am at my busiest. I have two little ones -- Big and Small K. Many wonder how I manage to pack so much in a day/ week. In all honesty, I don't know. One thing's for sure though, it is the severe lack of sleep which allows me to do more. Not something I am tremendously proud of but something which is bo bian (no choice) You see, Small K is still not sleeping through the night. On lucky nights, he would wake up once at dawn for his feed and go right back to sleep. On unlucky nights, well, let's not even get there. In addition to that, we are training Big K to go diaperless at night so when she needs to pee at night, guess who she looks for? No prizes for that. And by 'we', I really mean ME ME ME!

Here's how a typical weekday looks for me:

0800- 0830 hours

I am typically awake by 8am as that is about the time which Small K would potter into my room. If I'm lucky, 830am. Don't be too envious as my bed time could be as late as 4am! Small K's average dream feed is at 3ish so that is the reason for the late hours. Don't get me started on why I'm still giving in to him. It is mostly because I do not want him to tear the house down with his cries of bloody murder and more importantly, he is now sleeping in the same room as his sister who, though has improved by leaps and bounds, isn't exactly a deep sleeper. I certainly do not want to risk having two crying babies at 3am and spend an hour coaxing them back to sleep. So, the CIO (cry-it-out) method does not work for us. I can only pray.

0830 - 0900 hours

During this hour, I have to make the boy poop, clean him up, cuddle him and make him milk. You may ask why do I need a whooping half an hour to do these? Well, namely because while he poops, I will probably still be snuggled under my comforter! *smiles. On good days, while he is doing his business, I might start preparing breakfast.

0900 - 1000 hours

This is typically my zen hour. The kids and I will have breakfast and after which they will free play whilst I catch up on social media or other news. If I am a little hardworking, I will engage them in breakfast making. However, I try not to as this might drag till 11am if I do.

1000 - 1100 hours

I tend to pack too much in a day and this is particularly with regards to home learning. Every night before sleeping, I'll have great grand plans as to what I wish to execute the next day. However, mostly, it would end up an epic fail. It is really not easy trying to teach both children of different ages. If I were to do something with the younger one, the older one would also want a piece of the easy action. Hence, some of my materials have to be duplicated, just so Big K can be involved. And when I am engaged in something with Big K, say for example trying to teach her a tune or two on the piano, Small K would be trying to squeeze up the chair and bang those white and black keys. Exasperating at times. But I do have my good days where I will do at least 3 activities. Some of my activities include the Glenn Doman series which I am trying to discipline myself into doing everyday (it hasn't been all that successful though); thematic activities like Halloween stuff for the month of October, catching up on her school or Chinese enrichment homework (both of which are given once a week. Phew!) If time permits, I will try to squeeze in a craft work which makes Big K beam from ear to ear. In the event where I have completely depleted my energy, I will just throw them some colour pencils and paper to draw or some lego to play. They keeps them entertained for hours! This, unfortunately, happens rather often and the guilt would eat me up the entire day.

Look at the mess! Sigh

My trusty magic clean on days when i don't feel like exerting too much strength. 

1100 -- 1145 hours

Depending on the complexity of lunch, this is approximately the amount of time needed to prepare and cook lunch. During this period, the kids will once again engage in free play.  On top of that, if I'm in the mood, I will schedule in laundry as well, otherwise, that usually takes place at night whilst I am making them sleep. We mommas have to learn to multitask.  So if it isn't laundry day, i will be mopping the house with my trusty magic clean mop. Seeing the mess really gets me frustrated but mostly, I would simply shut their playroom door and pretend that my house is showroom condition. I do the minimal, and that is to ensure they have clean floors to step on.

After cooking, I will then wet mop the entire house. This is usually done every other day by the husband. However, his constant travels meant that I have to take charge of this area. It didn't help that the whole of last month, we were sandwiched between to units of renovation! One upstairs and one downstairs! The dust accumulated was an inch thick by evening. Ok, I'm kidding, but seriously I sometimes ended up mopping twice.

1145 - 1245 hours

The most infuriating hour of the day! ok, actually the second most. Read on to find out which is the most irritating hour of the day. Meal times are relatively easy if the dishes are to their liking or if it is a one pot dish like pasta. However, mostly, I will be nagging the children incessantly about finishing up their food quickly. I have to sometimes feed Small K as I eat my own lunch as he is a terribly messy eater and I don't have time to clean up his mess. Thankfully Big K is independent enough to finish her food. Only problem, I have to urge her to hurry.

An elaborate meal when I am in the mood. 

Some simple dishes to race against the clock

1300 -1315 hours

Shower time for the kids! Big K is able to shower on her own so my attention is only on the younger one. Phew!

1315 -- 1330 hours

My turn to shower and get ready for work! The mornings are always rush rush rush and peppered with lots of cajoling and sometimes screamings. Things don't always go the way I want as hiccups like breaking up fights or cleaning poop 3 times in a morning would throw things off the usual curve. 

1400 hours onwards

During the interval, I would be sending the younger one to his alternative caregiver and thereafter, I would send the big one to school. Following that, I would be off to work as an educator. If time permits, I will run my errands in between. 

6 hours is the average work hours I clock on a weekday. This is excluding the work done at home.  Nothing much here and certainly less stressful than looking after kids!

There are days when I really need some adult social interaction before heading to work and that is when I will rope in my mom who would gladly take my kids before lunch hour. I am so thankful that daddy dearest is able to pick Big K from school and that my kids are in good hands. However, I try not to bother mom too often as she is a social butterfly herself and well, she is still in the learning stage where looking after two kids is concerned. You see, she didn't have much experience in this area. She only had me. Things were pretty bad at the beginning. She couldn't even put on diapers for my kids. *shakes head. This week, I was very thankful that she was able to help me with the kids. Because of this arrangement, I was able to sneak out for lunch with a bunch of awesome mommy bloggers! Having a proper adult conversation for a full hour is pretty rare these days, much less making new friends!

From left: Jayme, Natasha, Liang May, Susan, Me, Dawn

2100 - 2300 hours

If the hubs is overseas, I would have to pick the kids up. The poor things would be uber high and overstimulated by their grandparents hence making my life a little tougher when we get home. Winding down does not happen immediately when we step home. I don't like the feeling of asking them to sleep the moment I pick them up. So sad to have to associate mommy to sleep. If the hubs is in town, things are a little easier. He would have settled the story reading bit and gotten them to drink their milk. If I am lucky, he sometimes would have already put Small K to bed. By now, I would mostly be starving as I usually have no time for a proper dinner. But I have to grit on else, I will never get my precious me-time! This is actually a love-hate period as the both of them may take an hour to sleep! By then, I would have fallen asleep myself!

2300 hours - 0230

Shower and me-time! Yes, my average bedtime is 0230 hours. Me time is really precious as it is the only time I am able to catch up with mundane chores or work related matters. Activities at night may include working on a diapercake order gotten through my other baby Rhapnroll Diapercakes; marking those stacks of exam papers, preparing lesson plans for my classes, replying emails, settling orders for Mary Kay or Young Living (if any), catching up with shower or dinner, washing the dirty dishes/ milk bottles, online shopping, following up with administrative matters, watching my Hong Kong dramas, blogging, folding the mountain of laundry, exercising, picking up the big mess of lego, doing my online grocery shopping or preparing my home learning materials. Gosh! That really sounds like quite a lot, but hey, I don't do all of them every single day! Sometimes I may also take this opportunity to have a quick chat with the hubs  (if he isn't preoccupied with his games or his dramas) or prepare the next day's soup. 

No matter how tough it is, to spend hours completing a diapercake actually brings me immense joy. Every creation is filled with love and it is really therapeutic to be engage in this little business of mine. 

#examfever

Preparing Big K's show and tell materials. This happens once a week. Many would just grab a soft toy or print a picture for the child. However, I go the extra mile in hope that my daughter will be more engaged and say a little more. She is a bit of an introvert you see, so having such manipulatives really helps in getting her to speak up. Communication and collaboration are key skills.

This is how messy my desk can get! Can you see how many things are happening at the same time? Catching up on my drama, online shopping, having a cup of hot milo and preparing materials for home learning or for my students. I somehow feel competent and achieved when I see the mess! It is this ability to pack so much in a day that keeps my adrenaline high. Strange I know! Things certainly isn't a bed of roses. What is posted online may look instagram worthy but the effort that goes behind them is immense. However, when I see how my family benefit from my hard work, my heart warms up and it spurs me on to do better! Some think I am a little saddistic, but I think I'm just a supermom wannabe. :)

This post is part of the Day in a Life blog train hosted by Mum in the Making. Click on the button to take a peek into a day in a life of other mummies!

Next up, we have Ashlyn on this blog train to share how her family spend their Sunday. As a full time working mummy to 1, Ashlyn writes about her life, faith, parenting, child, travel and crafting "adventures" - yes, with lots of ups & downs! Over these years, motherhood taught her so much and she learnt that life isn't all about sunshine and rainbows, and that it's really alright not to be perfect. All because, God has his perfect plan and makes all things beautiful in His time. Like how she has benefited from many blogs, she wish that her personal sharing will bring forward some love, joy and hope! Come, join her over at www.ashlynthia.blogspot.com.